dating is f'ing hiliarious

and i haven't even started yet.

but in honor of my upcoming adventures (even i think it's hilarious and it happens to me) i thought i'd share some of my worst and best dating experiences. (because let's be honest here, those of of you in the committed relationship, marriage, whatever, love to hear my crazy assed dating stories - i could write a book about this stuff).

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my first worst date:

my first worst date occurred sometime in college (it was the best of the worst if that's any indication of what's to come). some guy, who we will call Jon (and who's name really may have been Jon but it's been so long that i really can't remember and if i can't remember then there's no way that you could ever figure out who it is and even in Jon did read this blog for some strange reason unbeknownst to me he wouldn't even know it's him and also b/c i apparently love run on sentences).

anyway, Jon wanted to take me out on a date. Jon was a nice-ish guy who I knew from one or more activities i was involved in during my college years. i wasn't particularly attracted to him, but he seemed nice enough and so i agreed to meet him at some ridiculous chain restaurant (think Chili's, Applebee's, etc.). Note: every girl has their own deal breakers and this happens to be one of many for me. so if you know me and you think you might want to date me, please, please don't take me to the chain unless i've requested it b/c i'm craving some wacky food they have, but also never, ever take me to the chain on the first date - it's just not going to work for us.

so, i meet Jon at the chili's (or whatever) and we sit down for our meal. Jon orders a salad, i do not. midway through Jon's salad he drips some dressing on his hand and rather than use the perfectly nice napkin he has placed in his lap, he decides to remove the salad dressing from his hand with his tongue in a public place. (btw - he did not remove it with his tongue in some kind of sexy trying to turn me on way, he removed it like a dog lapping your excess ice cream from a bowl). deal breaker #1.

but, oh no, it did not stop there. i manage to somehow sit through the remainder of the meal and when the check comes i do what every good girl has been taught to do - the purse reach. now i'm all about going dutch (or whatever you want to call it) but in some ways am a bit old fashioned and think that if you asked me out, you should probably pay. turns out our pal, Jon, has forgotten his wallet so i did more than reached for my purse, i paid for our meal, on our first date!!!!

and that my friend's is why Jon never made it past round one.

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in other news, rosie wanted me to title my next post "my spanx are dirty" because that was my MO all of last week. i had traveled to seattle on friday, spent the weekend with friends and been awakened in my hotel room sunday eve at 3:30AM by a fire alarm - it put a damper on the week's start. tuesday and wednesday were super busy, migraine on thursday, felt fat in my skirt b/c my spanx really were dirty. a weekend guest expected on friday.

unfortunately, said weekend guest could not come in the end so i ended up with an unexpected free weekend. i enjoyed my new local coffee shop, met rosie for shopping fun, saw the devil wears prada, went for a long bike ride and generally enjoyed the sunny PDX weather.

not too bad for starting the weekend off "dirty" (as in my spanx sillies).