right up to the point where somehow a little bit of spit (spittle? or spit? is spittle for grandparents and spit for the rest of us?) flew out of my mouth and into the mouth of a co-worker as i was expressing my excitement over birthday cupcakes. ew! (note: we were several feet away so on another level this demostrates the projectile potential of my mouth or something...)
anyway, just call me miss manners....
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
portland is pretty (& also a story)
it snowed off and on all day yesterday in the great pdx. at moments you could hardly see out the window and last night driving home i got caught in a brief blizzard where signs suddenly disappeared (this and the possible freezing temps gave me just enough push to forgo the gym and cozy into my house).
i expected to wake up this morning to icy roads and the recommendation to stay home from work (i even took my computer home in anticipation. well that, and the fact that they recommend that we take our computers home every night in the winter b/c you just never know...funny, really). alas, some snow and frost on my car and many school closures, but a regular work day for me. it was seattle who got lucky this time...here's hoping for pdx ice storm of 2006 (but only after i am home in my warm slippers).
#####
and now for a fun/disasterous dating story...b/c i haven't shared a good one in awhile. frequent commenter, coho, will remember this one as this is from the days when we were like peanut butter and jelly and she had to live through the recounts of a ton of these (although let's be honest, she brought plenty of her own dating disasters to the table).
oh, and also, this is the part where i reveal that i am an evil, evil woman...
it took me a minute to remember where i even met this guy, over the top dater (OTTD), but everything has just come back to me.
it was my friend travis' b-day and his boyfriend always threw some kind of wild party for him - this particular year was no exception. (incidentally, it just so happens to be T's b-day today and though i haven't spoken to him in a couple years i'll throw him a virtual happy b-day!) coho and i had gotten all dolled up to join in on the festivities at a local, but swanky new, bar. OTTD was a friend of a friend of a friend or something and in a nutshell basically no one anyone we knew knew him so when he kind of latched onto me early in the night i turned to coho and said, "let's see how long it takes for this guy to ask for my number." (see, me? mean.)
it didn't take OTTD long and being the seasoned dater that i was, i simply handed him my business card expecting never to see him again (b/c honestly, that's how these things work - seriously). but you see, that's the part where i didn't know OTTD was OTTD b/c if i had known that about him then, i would've clammed up and never given the guy my card just to avoid this scenario.
OTTD called me at work the very next day wanting to know when we could get together. i stalled and stalled and finally agreed to meet him, for coffee, in a very busy location near his workplace. (this is a good time to call out that he worked for the company where coho now works and they also sometimes pay my bills. coho - you running into that guy ever?).
date day comes and i drive to meet him directly from work (see this all sounds pretty nice and innocent right now, eh?). when i first spot him i'm surprised to discover that a man who i know works for a company with a dress code of jeans, is wearing khakis and a jacket - this should've been my first clue. OTTD gives me a quick hug and suggests we go to dinner in lieu of coffee, i agree and we walk to a nearby thai restaurant. we sit down for what i assume will be a slightly awkward, but overall pleasant dinner and it did start out that way right up to the point where OTTD reaches into his suit jacket pocket (proposal style) and pull out a jewelry box. my initial reaction of wtf is sent through the roof when i open it up to find a silver necklace with flower charm a) not my style, but how would OTTD know that - he just met me and b) really, honestly too much for a first non-date, date - we were meeting for coffee for crying out loud!!!
OTTD then tells me that his mother told him to always bring a girl flowers, but he thought this would last much longer (gag!). i tell him it's lovely (what else am i to do?) but that i can't wear it right now as the neckline of my sweater doesn't allow for accessories (that's a line if i ever heard one).
now, i might have survived and not even written about this story if that had been the end of it. (wait! who am i kidding, it was still way too much), but when OTTD insisted on paying for dinner, walking me to my car and pushing past my handshake for a hug he'd already made it to my worst date hall of fame. the whole store got worse when the next day, at work, i got 5 phone calls and the largest and fanciest bouquet of flowers i have ever received in my entire life - needless to say OTTD went racing straight to the top of the too much and a little scary dates.
long story short, i had to call this guy (after one non-date, date!) and tell him that it just wasn't working. seriously, scary!
one closing note, over the years, many friends have pointed out that had i actually been attracted to this guy that i would've been thrilled with the gifts and calls and flowers and maybe that is the case. i guess that's the part that is the most scary about the dating - one man's OTTD is another man's treasure (that's the saying, right?)
oh, and the necklace? i ended up taking it to the store where it was purchased and exchanging it for something that was a bit more me. sometimes i still wear it.
i expected to wake up this morning to icy roads and the recommendation to stay home from work (i even took my computer home in anticipation. well that, and the fact that they recommend that we take our computers home every night in the winter b/c you just never know...funny, really). alas, some snow and frost on my car and many school closures, but a regular work day for me. it was seattle who got lucky this time...here's hoping for pdx ice storm of 2006 (but only after i am home in my warm slippers).
#####
and now for a fun/disasterous dating story...b/c i haven't shared a good one in awhile. frequent commenter, coho, will remember this one as this is from the days when we were like peanut butter and jelly and she had to live through the recounts of a ton of these (although let's be honest, she brought plenty of her own dating disasters to the table).
oh, and also, this is the part where i reveal that i am an evil, evil woman...
it took me a minute to remember where i even met this guy, over the top dater (OTTD), but everything has just come back to me.
it was my friend travis' b-day and his boyfriend always threw some kind of wild party for him - this particular year was no exception. (incidentally, it just so happens to be T's b-day today and though i haven't spoken to him in a couple years i'll throw him a virtual happy b-day!) coho and i had gotten all dolled up to join in on the festivities at a local, but swanky new, bar. OTTD was a friend of a friend of a friend or something and in a nutshell basically no one anyone we knew knew him so when he kind of latched onto me early in the night i turned to coho and said, "let's see how long it takes for this guy to ask for my number." (see, me? mean.)
it didn't take OTTD long and being the seasoned dater that i was, i simply handed him my business card expecting never to see him again (b/c honestly, that's how these things work - seriously). but you see, that's the part where i didn't know OTTD was OTTD b/c if i had known that about him then, i would've clammed up and never given the guy my card just to avoid this scenario.
OTTD called me at work the very next day wanting to know when we could get together. i stalled and stalled and finally agreed to meet him, for coffee, in a very busy location near his workplace. (this is a good time to call out that he worked for the company where coho now works and they also sometimes pay my bills. coho - you running into that guy ever?).
date day comes and i drive to meet him directly from work (see this all sounds pretty nice and innocent right now, eh?). when i first spot him i'm surprised to discover that a man who i know works for a company with a dress code of jeans, is wearing khakis and a jacket - this should've been my first clue. OTTD gives me a quick hug and suggests we go to dinner in lieu of coffee, i agree and we walk to a nearby thai restaurant. we sit down for what i assume will be a slightly awkward, but overall pleasant dinner and it did start out that way right up to the point where OTTD reaches into his suit jacket pocket (proposal style) and pull out a jewelry box. my initial reaction of wtf is sent through the roof when i open it up to find a silver necklace with flower charm a) not my style, but how would OTTD know that - he just met me and b) really, honestly too much for a first non-date, date - we were meeting for coffee for crying out loud!!!
OTTD then tells me that his mother told him to always bring a girl flowers, but he thought this would last much longer (gag!). i tell him it's lovely (what else am i to do?) but that i can't wear it right now as the neckline of my sweater doesn't allow for accessories (that's a line if i ever heard one).
now, i might have survived and not even written about this story if that had been the end of it. (wait! who am i kidding, it was still way too much), but when OTTD insisted on paying for dinner, walking me to my car and pushing past my handshake for a hug he'd already made it to my worst date hall of fame. the whole store got worse when the next day, at work, i got 5 phone calls and the largest and fanciest bouquet of flowers i have ever received in my entire life - needless to say OTTD went racing straight to the top of the too much and a little scary dates.
long story short, i had to call this guy (after one non-date, date!) and tell him that it just wasn't working. seriously, scary!
one closing note, over the years, many friends have pointed out that had i actually been attracted to this guy that i would've been thrilled with the gifts and calls and flowers and maybe that is the case. i guess that's the part that is the most scary about the dating - one man's OTTD is another man's treasure (that's the saying, right?)
oh, and the necklace? i ended up taking it to the store where it was purchased and exchanging it for something that was a bit more me. sometimes i still wear it.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
of note...
through all the bad dates and serious relationships and things of that nature over the past few years, i seem to have lost my game (whatever game i may have had at some point in my life). take this snapshot from earlier this week:
just for background (and the record). i am not hot gym girl - never have been, never will be. i'm sweaty, trying to loose a few pounds, but mostly hoping to just tone, lots of clothes to cover up my legs which i don't so much like gym girl. i don't wear tiny tank tops or short shorts and no one EVER talks to me at the gym (unless they are my trainer in which case, much like the sorority, it was because i paid them to talk to me - haha!)
at any rate, the other night i was at the gym lifting some weights and generally beefing up my tough-o-meter when hot gym guy (HGG) starts using a machine right next to were i'm working on the ole biceps. out of the blue HGG turns to me and says "i didn't take your machine did i?".
me: "no, because if you did i would beat you up." (me making punching motions with my hands)
HGG: "phew, well i'm glad that didn't happen."
note: here's the part where if you were me you maybe would've said something witty back.
me: "yeah, because i'm tough." and then...i promptly finished my set and walked away.
way to go self, way to go.
#####
this smooth move concludes the scheduled postings for this week. you may hear more depending on how things go on the big day (turkey day, sillies), but here's wishing all No Kool-Aid Here readers a Happy Thanksgiving.
just for background (and the record). i am not hot gym girl - never have been, never will be. i'm sweaty, trying to loose a few pounds, but mostly hoping to just tone, lots of clothes to cover up my legs which i don't so much like gym girl. i don't wear tiny tank tops or short shorts and no one EVER talks to me at the gym (unless they are my trainer in which case, much like the sorority, it was because i paid them to talk to me - haha!)
at any rate, the other night i was at the gym lifting some weights and generally beefing up my tough-o-meter when hot gym guy (HGG) starts using a machine right next to were i'm working on the ole biceps. out of the blue HGG turns to me and says "i didn't take your machine did i?".
me: "no, because if you did i would beat you up." (me making punching motions with my hands)
HGG: "phew, well i'm glad that didn't happen."
note: here's the part where if you were me you maybe would've said something witty back.
me: "yeah, because i'm tough." and then...i promptly finished my set and walked away.
way to go self, way to go.
#####
this smooth move concludes the scheduled postings for this week. you may hear more depending on how things go on the big day (turkey day, sillies), but here's wishing all No Kool-Aid Here readers a Happy Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
a thanks for something
it's turkey week! (or thanksgiving week for most of you).
me tearing it up until 5AM (whoops!) also i apparently have no chin when dancing
drinking beer munich style (you have to rest that stein on your wrist b/c it's so heavy)
munich view from the clock tower
munich likes lions like every other city has had it's fun
i'm in a bit of a weird spot this year. i know, i know me in a weird spot? never... but this year for the turkey time i belong neither here nor there, just somewhere in the middle. i have had three different people ask me what's wrong with me this week. and honestly, i don't think anything but maybe something. we'll call it holidays.
since i'm not big on the mushy give thanks posts, i thought i'd share some pics from my trip to germany and thank that country for a glorious kick off to November.
me tearing it up until 5AM (whoops!) also i apparently have no chin when dancing
drinking beer munich style (you have to rest that stein on your wrist b/c it's so heavy)
munich view from the clock tower
munich likes lions like every other city has had it's fun
Thursday, November 16, 2006
um, hi, apparently i'm "that" girl
the votes are in and apparently i am now "that" girl, the one that you maybe don't want to take to functions where your grandmother or very conservative parents will be because i'm, um maybe sort of unpredictable and you just never know what's going to come shooting out of my mouth. ugh!
yesterday, i attended the work baby showers of two friends/colleagues and not because, but maybe a little bit because of the fact i'm neither married nor have children the following completely inappropriate things came out of my mouth (in front of women i'd never met, some i've known for a while, and some small babies):
1. "I'd totally do him!" - in response to someone mentioning that George Clooney had once again been voted the sexiest man alive.
2. "I bet the first thing you thought of was that Sex and the City episode where Samantha or someone says, 'no one needs a penis with a carrying case!'" - in response to one woman sharing why she'd decided to circumcise her child.
3. I said a few other choice things, that have currently slipped my mind (which, in the interest of full disclosure, or lack thereof, is maybe a good thing), in response to various gifts opened - egad! who am i?
However, i'd like to note that one of my dear friends (whom many of you know), also in the room made the following comment about a very large bib that was gifted. "I have a great idea why don't you dress your baby up in that humongous thing and nothing else."
Perhaps this is why we are both single and childless...
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
phew! i'm glad we got that out of the way
in an effort to avoid dealing/posting with/about my year of decline with a few bright spots (aka 2006), i wanted to share some really fantastic news with you all.
while i was away, my office has been transformed. transformed into a winter safety and health conscious wonderland. here are some of my great findings:
while i was away, my office has been transformed. transformed into a winter safety and health conscious wonderland. here are some of my great findings:
- even though some of my co-workers have questionable bathroom habits and i've witnessed the lack of hand washing, posters are now at every bathroom entrance and in every stall suggesting that you cover your mouth when coughing and then promptly wash or sanitize your hands. A few comments: one, are we really only concerned about this now? two, are we adults, really unsure of what do do when we feel a cough coming on? three, if we are going to post this, maybe we could also post some step-by-step instructions on how to wipe one's own rear?
- our building management has also posted some signs throughout the building on winter safety including the recommendation that we no longer park under trees (in case you didn't hear, the NW has had horrible rains in the past week and trees have fallen down cutting power and causing other issues). my main comment to that is: "gee, thanks for the suggestion. just one thing to note, we have trees throughout our entire parking lot and my guess is that there are one, maybe two parking spaces that are not near trees. everyday 98% of the spaces are filled with cars so i don't really have a lot of options to park 'away' from trees as you so kindly suggest."
I'm sure there are several other gems, but those are the top two. phew! i don't know what i would've done without the guidance - thanks all!
Monday, November 13, 2006
it's the same thing in any language
caveat: i just returned to the states from germany yesterday and jet lag has hit me hard and heavy, but i knew my readers were waiting....
seriously, the mating dance (literally in this case) is truly the same in any language. take this snapshot, for instance:
last week after finishing the work portion of my german excursion some colleagues and i decided to go out for a celebratory dinner. we went to a delicious french restaurant (in germany) where we drank german champagne, ate some delicious food and downed several bottles of wine. honestly, we were in a good place when we left the restaurant. after dinner we decided to meet up with some other colleagues at a nearby cuban bar for some additional beverages and i maybe had the biggest vodka soda i've ever had (think beer stein of vodka with a splash of coke) and then maybe had one more drink after that so when said colleagues suggested we go to a club to meet up with yet more colleagues, it seemed like the perfect idea. (note: i was out until nearly 5AM which has last happened....um, NEVER!)
at any rate, approximately 30 minutes after our arrival i was tearing it up on the dance floor when some german? belgian? some non-English speaking fellow starts grinding on me. and at first i'm tipsy enough to think it's pretty funny and a bit flattering, but when he reaches over to unbutton my sweater, i grab two of my guy friends and beg them to save me, because seriously, wtf?!?! throughout the entire night i cannot get rid of this guy no matter how many other men i dance with and how often i turn away from him. and at the end of the night when i'm sitting on the couch waiting for friends to close out bills and whatnot, the guy's standing there by the door with his coat on perhaps thinking that he's coming home with me. but here's the thing, he's not. and other than dancing with him at the beginning, i did nothing to give this man the impression that he would be.
a cold shoulder, a quick chat with my male colleague and some comments later and the guy finally takes off. now i realize we'd all been drinking and dancing and whatnot, but what gives men the right to assume that a few dances equals an invitation to come home?
i guess the good news is that it makes no difference where you are, some liquor and and a heavy dance beat seems to present men with the idea that they have a license to conquer women and being conquered is one thing i don't need.
i'll stand on my own thanks.
#####
more thoughts on my german adventures to come - just as soon as these cobwebs exit my head.
seriously, the mating dance (literally in this case) is truly the same in any language. take this snapshot, for instance:
last week after finishing the work portion of my german excursion some colleagues and i decided to go out for a celebratory dinner. we went to a delicious french restaurant (in germany) where we drank german champagne, ate some delicious food and downed several bottles of wine. honestly, we were in a good place when we left the restaurant. after dinner we decided to meet up with some other colleagues at a nearby cuban bar for some additional beverages and i maybe had the biggest vodka soda i've ever had (think beer stein of vodka with a splash of coke) and then maybe had one more drink after that so when said colleagues suggested we go to a club to meet up with yet more colleagues, it seemed like the perfect idea. (note: i was out until nearly 5AM which has last happened....um, NEVER!)
at any rate, approximately 30 minutes after our arrival i was tearing it up on the dance floor when some german? belgian? some non-English speaking fellow starts grinding on me. and at first i'm tipsy enough to think it's pretty funny and a bit flattering, but when he reaches over to unbutton my sweater, i grab two of my guy friends and beg them to save me, because seriously, wtf?!?! throughout the entire night i cannot get rid of this guy no matter how many other men i dance with and how often i turn away from him. and at the end of the night when i'm sitting on the couch waiting for friends to close out bills and whatnot, the guy's standing there by the door with his coat on perhaps thinking that he's coming home with me. but here's the thing, he's not. and other than dancing with him at the beginning, i did nothing to give this man the impression that he would be.
a cold shoulder, a quick chat with my male colleague and some comments later and the guy finally takes off. now i realize we'd all been drinking and dancing and whatnot, but what gives men the right to assume that a few dances equals an invitation to come home?
i guess the good news is that it makes no difference where you are, some liquor and and a heavy dance beat seems to present men with the idea that they have a license to conquer women and being conquered is one thing i don't need.
i'll stand on my own thanks.
#####
more thoughts on my german adventures to come - just as soon as these cobwebs exit my head.
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