things i've learned...

guess what? i've been traveling again. but i had to share a couple of things i learned on my last trip (just got home last night, leaving again in 2 days!)

1. cell phones actually do work at 10,000 plus feet (in case you were wondering like i was) as evidenced by the fact that the man sitting behind me answered his cellphone not once, but twice on my plane ride home last night. i came so so so close to saying something to him as we deplaned, but i knew all of my fellow passengers felt the same way and they didn't say anything either.
2. it's apparently now completely acceptable to be middle aged and hit on the ladies just because they are occupying the seat in front of you on an airplane as evidenced by the fact that the minute i moved into my row on my departing flight last week, the man behind me starting speaking to me about how if i wanted to during the flight, i could recline my seat all the way and he would give me a massage in flight. i opted to sit straight up uncomfortably in my chair to avoid this scenario. the second we landed he informed me that it was quite a shame that i hadn't taken advantage of his in-flight massage. um yeah...b/c having some grimy strangers hands on my shoulders seems really relaxing. yum!
3. rhinestones are in as demostrated by the woman sharing my row on the above flight. rhinstones on her sweatpants, hairclip, phone, fingernails, etc. the minute we started our descent, she started primping and i almost followed her out of the airport just to see who she was meeting.
4. hollywood kisses in real life (meaning at the baggage claim) make everyone uncomfortable. thanks a ton fake red-headed lady and your boyfriend, luvah, whatever in a suit. i totally appreciate that you were excited to see each other, but we didn't need to see the tent.
5. there are some really genuinely nice people around when you least expect them. yesterday, when riding the BART to the airport from Napa, i met manny, an adorable 73 year old man who owns an italian restaurant, has 17 grandchildren and said i reminded him of one of his daughters. he gave me his business card and asked that i call him next time i'm in the bay area - he and his wife would like me and my friends to come to one of their family dinners (she only cooks mexican food at home). wonder what would happen if i actually called manny...

glad to be home, if only for a moment.

Everyday...

everyday i take the same route to work through some back streets to avoid traffic before sitting on a bridge and finally letting the horses fly on the ole interstate. and everyday i see the same mid-60s man sitting in his older pick-up truck taking a nap with the car running before heading into work. some days, if i'm running a little bit late i spy him getting out of his pick-up and heading into work, but most days he's got his head back on his headrest, eyes closed, taking in the last bits of his morning slumber. usually i worry about carbon monoxide poisoning (in fact the first time i witnessed his actions i almost pulled over thinking he had died in his car. secretly i wonder if it was my ploy to secure my 10 minutes of fame on my local news. "lady revives man from car outside workplace"). lately, i've taken to pondering what it is that compels him to nap in the mornings in his car outside his work. i've developed quite a little story about his life and i believe that he has a wife at home who always wears an apron and pantyhose and makes things like quiche for breakfast. i think she nags him a lot (mostly to do things around the house...rake the leaves, take out the garbage, etc.) and i think he's tired of it. tired of the fact he's been married to her for 30 years and every year gets a little more naggy, not less. so i think he leaves early for work everyday so that he can enjoy 20-30 minutes of piece, alone in his car, listening to his radio and catching up on his last few zzzzs. and, sometimes, i think he's probably on to something. maybe that's the secret to a successful relationship...

where my head is

this here blog has completely fallen by the way side; it's not where my head is right now. a month or so ago i actually drafted a post about how i wasn't going to blog in this space anymore, how i'd lost sight of why i started this thing and how i'd just started writing here for the sake of entertaining my readers. it's still saved as a draft...meaning, i'm not going to take this down yet. in the meantime, my posts may be sporadic while i'm figuring out how i want to use this space and for what.

a few things are going on with me right now. 1) i'm coming off the last weekend i will in town for a month, 2) i'm focusing, seriously focusing, on some people around me and they need the space and time that i have to give, 3) frankly, i have nothing newsworthy to report.

i'm going to spend the majority of the next month traveling and also hoping that it doesn't destroy or ruin or significantly alter any relationships in the process. to all of you, please accept my sincerest apologies - i cannot keep up with all of you right now and i want to and i think of you and i hope you are well, but i just can't. i also can't keep traveling like this, can't keep walking in and out of my own life - it's no way to be. my job must stay as it is and for the most part that travel is acceptable (additionally, there is the dangling carrot that travel will be decreasing in the next few months. jan.-mar. will always be my busiest months as long as i stayed employed here). but i can control the amount of travel that other activities i am involved with require and it has become clear to me that those things must end. if i'm going to travel outside of work, i want it to be for me to places i want to go to be with people i want to see. i'm holding on to one teeny tiny piece of this volunteer job, the part that i like. but the fact that it is taking me out of town for the next two weekends is enough to push me to the other side. i'm not a quitter, but this one i'm going to have to quit.

when i first moved to pdx, i used to tell people that i refused to travel back to seattle as often as was requested b/c i was dedicated to making a life for myself here. that first year, i missed so many things that related to my old friends and my old life and i really wanted to be there, but also knew i needed to be here. now i feel like i'm doing just that; avoiding being here, avoiding being anywhere b/c being somewhere makes me vulnerable and open to potential hurt, but also maybe open to good things. as much as i sometimes hate to admit it, my five year plan is based around five years in portland and if that's going to work for me, i need to be here.

i'm going to spend free time in the next few weeks working on calling when the easy thing is texting, working to figure out how to make room for all the things that currently make me smile, responding to your emails even though that means i have to look at my computer when i'm not working and generally making room in my life.

i'll post here when i can OR the next time i happen to eat shit in a public forum. it's my three week accident free anniversary tomorrow!

no sleep

i didn't sleep last night, but not exactly due to a bout with the insomnia that sometimes rules my life. i woke up at 1:15am physically ill so the television, my bathroom and i spent some serious qt in the wee hours of the night.

i ate a spinach salad for dinner last night - i thought we were back on spinach in this country? are we not and i just forgot? maybe it was the cheese or the tomatoes or the chicken. it's pretty hard to tell when some random somewhat smarmy waiter/cook/whatever is the one who made my dinner. maybe i was drugged, but my overactive imagination kind of doubts it. c'mon, i was having dinner with a 2 year old. ooh, maybe he germed up that french fry he shared with me...

i'm working today, pretending that last night never happened. well not all of it, just the part where i couldn't sleep. i had carpool plans this morning and cocktails with a new friend tonight and my personal mantra has always been if you're too sick to go to work, you're too sick to do anything. guess i'm not very sick. instead, i jumped out of bed and put on one of my best power outfits - i feel sleek and sexy and i lost 3 lbs. since yesterday. not the healthiest of diets...

my head's not into work this week. yesterday during a meeting i found myself staring out the window (not even daydreaming) just annoyed that we were even having the conversation we were having. i did what i always do when i just can't deal - i cleaned every inch of my desk, no more random piles of paper. is it 2 yet? i'd like to go to my next meeting, then skip out with a co-worker for a quick cuppa and a catch up, the clock can't move fast enough...

maybe i'm just tired.

i fall...a lot.

nope, not in love, never a free fall, i literally fall flat on my face... a lot. so much so that i'm actually beginning to think that something is the matter with me as i don't really understand how one single person could fall as often as i do.

i often tell people that the reason i think i fall so often is because i'm so overly involved in the people and things around me that i don't pay attention to myself and where i'm going. falling could also be attributed to the fact that i often wear 3+ inch heels or that i frequently come in out of the rain onto marble flooring, but really i'm starting to think it's just me. (plus the part where i often fall or at least trip and land on all fours when i'm wearing tennis shoes).

lately, though, things have gotten completely out of hand. at this precise moment in time i have two huge bruises on my body from recent falls. last week i fell two times in one day - once when i slipped coming in out of the rain at the W hotel. i literally fell down with my hands full in the midst of hundreds of people drinking HH in the lobby. immediately 3 or 4 men rushed over to try and pick me up (my hands were overly full), but i was kind of stuck there like a fish out of water and needed everyone to move away so that i could hoist myself off the floor. later that same night i managed to fall down the stairs of the restaurant we had dinner in, in front of about 10 colleagues. the result? a stair shaped bruise six inches long on my ass.

mostly i just laugh it off, except when i don't. and i don't when the people around me can't let it go. i'm still hearing about last week's falls this week and frankly i don't need anything more than the physical bruises (and the bruises to my ego) to remind me. do you know that when i meet people now, i just tell them about my falling right up front so they don't have to be weirded out the first time i eat shit after grabbing a drink or some such with them? it's gotten a bit ridiculous.

today, i got a bit of a chuckle as one of my co-workers had left instructions on how to fall down on my desk. the great thing is that she didn't know about last week's falls so this really was in fun. i'm happy to report that at least i've been properly using the falling and have tip top form.

here's what i'm talking about:
"When the inevitable occurs, try the following for minimal bruising to body and ego:"

1. "Go limp. If you try to play it off like you were just breaking into a jog, you'll gain momentum which means harder impact." check. i learned quite a few falls ago that it's way easier to just end up on the ground than to try to recover from the sort of falls i partake in.

2. "Use your hands. Grab onto a wall, banister, or person (taking care not to bring them down with you). You won't land as hard or bruise as much." check. i grabbed onto the banister with all my might the other night - it still didn't stop me from landing on my ass and half the wait staff running over to see if they could help. additionally, some of you may remember a certain fall i had during my college years (i landed on my face then, so at least i've gotten better there - the result a black eye) where i took out the girl walking with me and we ended in a giant pile with my dress up around my neck - AWKWARD!!!

3. "It's better to fall backward on your behind than forward on your face. The exception is climbing stairs, in which case attempt to catch yourself with your hands and knees. In all instances, avoid the chin plant." check. see details about ass bruise and #2 above.

4. "Get up as fast as possible, with little fanfare. Don't examine the sidewalk accusingly. Tell concerned passerby you're fine, and walk away briskly." check - i do this in all situations regardless of how badly i've hurt myself (see earlier post about breaking my hand).

5. "Try to laugh." check - i laugh for days most of the time when i fall. unfortunately, so do most people around me and i often think it's uncomfortable laughter. i actually started to think that my co-workers may think i have some sort of problem.

i've taken the liberty of posting this entire article on my cube wall in the hopes that it will help me focus on overcoming this little issue. if not, maybe it's time to have my head checked....literally.

you might have noticed...

that i've gone missing again. it's what i do right before i head off to a big event; i hunker down and get the job done, working a million hours in the week or so leading up to an event, it leaves little time to do anything but come home to get some sleep at night. sometimes, if you're lucky, i might write a great big post on the airplane or at some moment during my travels, but i save the good stuff for when i'm living my real life at home.

newsflash: i have one major week-long plus work commitment every month through july so you can expect one major disappearance from me every month prior to my leaving. at least now you'll know where i am when i disappear.

things to note:

• i'll resurface next week back in pdx - after having spent last weekend without talking to a soul until arriving at the airport on sunday, this weekend holds b-day parties and girls' nights and fun (and actually a good chunk of work-like activities as well).
• i have one free weekend in february.
• i have to travel again soon, too soon.
• sometimes i get homesick for my bed and my space and the me that's me when i'm at home. i don't sleep when i travel.
• sometimes i hate the me that travels all the time. i hate that a man walked up to me today and asked about my job and then looked at my hand, said you're not married, so at least that explains why you do it. no, i do it b/c i love it and even though i sometimes hate the traveling me, the work fits me.
• i made myself more than uncomfortable the other day when discussing (with another foodie) the increasing cost of flank steak. my comment? perhaps you should only use flank steak as your "formal meat". who says things like this? formal meat? what exactly does that mean?

i'm guessing you're used to this "me" now.