i fall...a lot.

nope, not in love, never a free fall, i literally fall flat on my face... a lot. so much so that i'm actually beginning to think that something is the matter with me as i don't really understand how one single person could fall as often as i do.

i often tell people that the reason i think i fall so often is because i'm so overly involved in the people and things around me that i don't pay attention to myself and where i'm going. falling could also be attributed to the fact that i often wear 3+ inch heels or that i frequently come in out of the rain onto marble flooring, but really i'm starting to think it's just me. (plus the part where i often fall or at least trip and land on all fours when i'm wearing tennis shoes).

lately, though, things have gotten completely out of hand. at this precise moment in time i have two huge bruises on my body from recent falls. last week i fell two times in one day - once when i slipped coming in out of the rain at the W hotel. i literally fell down with my hands full in the midst of hundreds of people drinking HH in the lobby. immediately 3 or 4 men rushed over to try and pick me up (my hands were overly full), but i was kind of stuck there like a fish out of water and needed everyone to move away so that i could hoist myself off the floor. later that same night i managed to fall down the stairs of the restaurant we had dinner in, in front of about 10 colleagues. the result? a stair shaped bruise six inches long on my ass.

mostly i just laugh it off, except when i don't. and i don't when the people around me can't let it go. i'm still hearing about last week's falls this week and frankly i don't need anything more than the physical bruises (and the bruises to my ego) to remind me. do you know that when i meet people now, i just tell them about my falling right up front so they don't have to be weirded out the first time i eat shit after grabbing a drink or some such with them? it's gotten a bit ridiculous.

today, i got a bit of a chuckle as one of my co-workers had left instructions on how to fall down on my desk. the great thing is that she didn't know about last week's falls so this really was in fun. i'm happy to report that at least i've been properly using the falling and have tip top form.

here's what i'm talking about:
"When the inevitable occurs, try the following for minimal bruising to body and ego:"

1. "Go limp. If you try to play it off like you were just breaking into a jog, you'll gain momentum which means harder impact." check. i learned quite a few falls ago that it's way easier to just end up on the ground than to try to recover from the sort of falls i partake in.

2. "Use your hands. Grab onto a wall, banister, or person (taking care not to bring them down with you). You won't land as hard or bruise as much." check. i grabbed onto the banister with all my might the other night - it still didn't stop me from landing on my ass and half the wait staff running over to see if they could help. additionally, some of you may remember a certain fall i had during my college years (i landed on my face then, so at least i've gotten better there - the result a black eye) where i took out the girl walking with me and we ended in a giant pile with my dress up around my neck - AWKWARD!!!

3. "It's better to fall backward on your behind than forward on your face. The exception is climbing stairs, in which case attempt to catch yourself with your hands and knees. In all instances, avoid the chin plant." check. see details about ass bruise and #2 above.

4. "Get up as fast as possible, with little fanfare. Don't examine the sidewalk accusingly. Tell concerned passerby you're fine, and walk away briskly." check - i do this in all situations regardless of how badly i've hurt myself (see earlier post about breaking my hand).

5. "Try to laugh." check - i laugh for days most of the time when i fall. unfortunately, so do most people around me and i often think it's uncomfortable laughter. i actually started to think that my co-workers may think i have some sort of problem.

i've taken the liberty of posting this entire article on my cube wall in the hopes that it will help me focus on overcoming this little issue. if not, maybe it's time to have my head checked....literally.