travelin' with the peace pipe

for starters it's not what you think.

it's been a funny week for me, this one. starting work on monday, traveling on tuesday, major traffic and car issues on wednesday...it's thursday and monday, but i wish it were friday. really, it's just too much.

tuesday i flew up to seattle for a meeting and a site visit. a super long day for a super short trip. i left for the airport very early tuesday morning since i'd never driven from the new place to the airport and i had no idea what security would be like given the current state of the world. 5AM came early on tuesday.

overall an uneventful trip (if you don't count the part where i wasn't able to check in for my flight and the fact that the site visit that i stayed in seattle an extra 5 hours for lasted only 10 minutes)the kicker for tuesday occurred at the very very end of the day. i don't know how often you travel for business, but when i come home from a business trip the only place i want to be is home.

i'm walking out of the terminal behind this cute little family - mom, dad, kid. they're all carrying bags and the kid's whining b/c he has to carry the laptop bag. he's a seven year old whining b/c he has to carry a laptop bag - i seriously wanted to trip him. they're crowding the entire walkway and the kid's messing with the automatic revolving door and i can't get past and i've already been gone hours longer than i wanted to and i seriously think something awful's going to happen and that this just might be the one time that i'm going to lose it and yell or push or something.

i finally get around the "family" and am scurrying (yes, scurrying that's what i do in the airport - it's similar to the scoot that my friend kathleen and i jokingly patented in college) and i'm heading toward the stairs mere moments from the safety of my vehicle when i'm stopped dead in my tracks by a somewhat bright and shiny object resting on the fire extinguisher by the stairs - there in all it's glory lies a glass pipe just waiting to be smoked. i stood frozen in my tracks for a good 30 seconds debating what to do and i'm not even sure what my options were, but i've been conditioned my entire life to pick up lost items and make them my own. when i was a little kid and played with dolls i would always pick up lost pacifiers and whatnot. my mom would put them through the dishwasher and once clean they would become new accessories for my dolls. i've picked up rocks that i thought were neat, pennies and nickels and dimes, oh my. i've found pieces of jewelry, i have some really cool vintage ties i found in a dumpster once that i like to wear as belts - i pick things up. so there i was trying to figure out who would have left the pipe and whether or not i should take it. not so much b/c i needed it but b/c it was there. but mostly i just wondered if the person who left it there had left it there strategically (it's a fitting place to leave your pipe - on a fire extinguisher) and if they hoped it would still be there when they got back.

i don't know the answer and i ultimately left the pipe right where i found it, but had i traveled with it my day would have been much more relaxed.

#####

this weekend holds book shelves and towel bars. i'm working on unpacking the last few boxes.

on being bershon...

dooce (who, btw, i don't even know other than the fact that i stalk her blog) blogged about bershon yesterday. and if there's any way to describe me today it's bershon. if i still had my long permed hair and big bangs, my one piece teal jumpsuit thing complete with mega-elastic belt, you have no idea just how bershon i'd be.

i'm just saying is all...

just talking...

if there's one thing i know about this blogging business it's that you have to update these things about 2-3 times a week in order to keep your readers engaged. given the fact that i only have 2 or 3 of you that i know read this thing on a regular basis i think it's even more important for me to entertain you regularly. (let's be honest if even one of you stops reading, it'll cut my readership in half and that would be detrimental to my future book sales).

here's the problem: i got nothing for you...nothing.

so today you just get to hear me talk. so i moved this weekend. my movers showed up three hours late which was a bit stressful and made me grumpy. i actually called the owner two times and told him what's what. (he didn't give me a discount on my move though and i'm pretty sure they dragged my cream colored couch in something black on purpose - jerks!) it was hot this weekend and i sweated a lot trying to set up and move my furniture all by myself - i ran over my toe with my bed which kind of hurt and i discovered that washcloths are true lifesavers when you are only one person trying to move large pieces of furniture across brand new hardwood floors.

overall my place is great, i'm settling in. a few things are annoying like the fact that the developer didn't put up towel racks and i missed that so now i have to purchase and install myself. the garbage is really inconveniently far away from my place (which i suppose isn't a bad thing) and somebody's cats were fighting during the first night i was there.

i've also learned some things about my cats. did you know cats can projectile vomit? i didn't either, but daphne my super scaredy cat freaked herself out about the move and demonstrated her skills on my brand new hardwood floors. also, my cats are afraid of my washer because it has a clear front and it's right at their eye level so they can see the clothes swirling around in there. ooooh, scary! they run by it as fast as they can.

so that's me in a nutshell...surviving.

what is it with guys and doctors?

seriously. what is it?

5+ years ago when things went down the proverbial drain with the other live-in boyfriend (LIB), i thought i'd never hear from him again until one day out of the blue he called me to ask if i could remember who his eye doctor was and where he was located. because seriously, those are the things that your ex-girlfriend should keep track of for you right? but the thing is, i DID remember who the eye doctor was and where he was located even though i'd never visited this doctor myself.

today the recent ex-LIB calls me to tell me he's on the way to the dentist and do i remember where it is. to his credit, we at least visited the same dentist so it wasn't that absurd, but still.

so maybe i'm the crazy one and that's my problem. you see when i have a doctor's appointment (of any type), i look up the address and verify i know how to get there before i leave my house. call me crazy...but it makes sense to me.

#####

in other news, it's moving weekend. as long as i don't fall down and break myself further, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week.

karma: it does a body good

sometimes i really do wonder about myself.

my co-workers put a new sticker on my cube window yesterday. it's a photo of a woman sprawled out on the ground, a full four on the floor - she's taken quite a spill. i know i've laughed until my sides hurt, with a number of you readers (okay, you one reader), about the all time funniest falls we've ever witnessed. you know, the type that are in slow motion and you want to ask the person if they are okay but for some reason the fall was so hee-larious that you can't even ask.

yesterday, karma bit me back for all those times. i caught the heel of my shoe on the plastic mat under my desk chair when i ran back to my desk, late for a meeting, to grab something i forgot. all of the sudden my feet were out from under me, my desk chair wheeling itself out of the way. i banged my elbow and tweaked my neck and sat on the floor laughing to myself.

no one witnessed my great fall, so there was no one there to ask if i was okay but it made me laugh so hard that i had to tell my two closest cubies what they'd missed. (they're great, they put up the pic later).

one point for karma.

ummm, yeh...

insert foot in mouth much? that's the phrase currently running through my head.

i just had a conversation with two co-workers (one being my boss) and i was discussing my upcoming move and how i got a hold of my boxes.

this exact phrase just came out of my mouth: "i've become a great box chaser."

and then i turned beet red, noted how awkward this was and changed the subject.

because, seriously? did i just say that?

co-workers, for clarification: i meant that i've become a great finder of free boxes and then chasing them down. MOVING BOXES!!!

this message brought to you by...

the letter "P" and my local homeless neighbor.

today got a jump start when leslie suggested we meet at the gym at 6AM for a quick run before starting our days. i love when leslie pressures me into meeting her anywhere for a workout because once i've committed to something like that i'll never back out. so even before my alarm went off this morning, i was awake, afraid that i'd oversleep and become that person. when i go to the gym in the early morning i always scurry from my house down the street a little afraid that i'm walking and it's still kind of dark (ladies and sketchy neighborhoods and darkness don't really fit well together) and i purposefully always alter my route to go in front of the fire department. (the reason for that is two-fold. 1) for safety and 2) just in case there's a cute fireman out doing something manly).

on my way to the gym i always pass the local synagogue and the homeless man who sleeps in the doorway (he's always still sleeping at that hour). today he was just standing up, getting ready to leave his alcove to relieve himself and i completely caught him off guard. he grunted, scurried (today i love the word scurry) back to his sleeping bag and shouted a warm greeting to me. when i said hello back, we exchanged brief pleasantries and i chuckled to myself as i walked away; about how i'd interrupted my neighbor doing his "business".

things i'm thankful for - my new home (or any home for that matter) and a clean place to pee; i'd probably be grumpy if i was surprised by some lady when trying to take care of my business.

the countdown

whenever i face major change in my life (that i'm expecting anyway) i begin what i like to think of as the countdown; the opportunity to do things or try things or finish things in the remaining time i have left. (note: i do this in all situations if i am aware they are looming ahead - ends of relationships, ends of jobs, ends of living situations, whatever).

well apparently the countdown is on in my current living situation and i'm only moving across town!

i'm trying to squeeze in a lot of firsts (and lasts) before i move out of nw portland. i'm approaching the activities with such vigor you might actually think i'm moving somewhere far far away and that i might never ever get back.(this is what it's like to be in my silly little head).

last night's countdown activity included a burrito at my favorite little burrito place one block away from my abode and a trip to the tuesday night summer concert series in our local park. here's the thing: i get a burrito from the burrito place at least once a week so i'm actually going to miss that, but the summer concert series thing? not so much. in fact, before last night i'd never even made an effort to go. sure i'd seen that it was happening while driving home on a tuesday night a few other times and sure i'd thought about going, but last night knowing i'm moving in 10 days* all of the sudden not going wasn't an option. so i went and watched some fun middle aged men sing their little hearts out on the stage. and i basked in the community feeling with all the neighborhoodies and their dogs. and i felt sad that i'd never made the effort to go before and even made plans in my mind to go next week. so really what i'm thinking....why is it that my priorities change when i know something might be the last?

this isn't my only countdown behavior btw, everyday is filled with some sort of countdown something.

10 days...


* Yes, it's official, i'm 100% moving in 10 days - it appears that they do actually give home loans to crazies like me too!

spammers

sorry kids, we had to add word verification to the comments section - the spammers have found me and are making recommendations that i honestly don't need.

please continue to comment - if it's legit, i love to hear what you have to say.

i traded my jimmy for a shimmy (but then later got the jimmy back again)

"i don't know if i've ever told you this, but i just learned how to shimmy," i told rosie last night over beers at the full sail brewery in hood river, oregon. "literally. i've had the girls all my life and just now learned how to use them to shimmy." rosie just burst into peals of laughter as we'd been doing for most of the day since we met mid-morning to get out of town for our abbreviated, but much needed girls weekend. rosie responded something to the effect of "i can see your blog post now - you traded your jimmy for a shimmy!"

a brief summary of events:

* 1.5 hours late (all my fault) rosie and i depart portland for a trip through the gorge and the hope of finding a last minute campsite.
* we were reprimanded for driving too fast, the wrong way and potentially endangering children by two old men who came running off their john deere's in the first campsite we looked at. let's just say it wasn't the best fit.
* discovered another campground with availability 2 feet from I-84 thinking the highway noise wouldn't be that bad - it was. made friends with vern the elderly host and he scored us a spot.
* ran into hood river (from now on referred to as hr) for a yummy lunch at a cute local cafe.
* hiked a quick 1.5 miles up to some lookout point who's name escapes me fearing rattlers, poison oak and fire the whole way only to discover a beautiful panoramic view of mt. hood and mt. adams as well as the entire gorge from the top.
* swung into hr to drink some beers and eat at the brewery. spent countless hours giggling about everything and commenting on fellow patio-goers. hr is interesting...
* randomly stumbled upon hr's "first friday celebration". crushed on a band made up of three high schoolers. danced before realizing we were the only ones over 20 hanging out there. immediately departed.
* ended the night with dessert and a nightcap at "jimmy's bar" - that's how i got my jimmy back AND i still got the shimmy.

aside from the lack of sleep and the sore back, a great getaway and completely uncensored!

look closely for jimmy's bar

cranky

i'm in one heck of a mood today. perhaps the stress of all that i've been dealing with has finally caught up with me, at least that's what i'm going to say it is.

i woke up this morning with a splitting headache and a kink in my neck. every time i move i wince for one reason or another. i'm dropping the f bomb like it's going out of style. i put my IM on busy for most of the day today just so people would stop IMing me - their comments a bit too raw and uncensored for me to stomach when i feel this way. last night i was helping a friend unpack in her new home (a great excuse to get free beer and boxes in anticipation of my upcoming move). i think the grouchiness was already descending and i razzed her about some of her possessions - maybe a bit too much and now i'm feeling bad. i saw a woman in the deli today and the meanest thought crossed my mind as i watched her snarf down multiple pieces of the sample they had laid out - and when the spread ran out she had the audacity to ask for more. no wonder others hate americans, we're greedy and pushy and loud and when i'm grouchy i'll have none of it. i almost walked over and said something, but knew that my mind is not in the right place and it's best to just shut my mouth.

tomorrow, i'll take a much needed break from the office and the insanity which is my life right now. i'll drive out east, enjoying the scenery and the water and look for a place to have a day hike and a long chat with rosie - a much needed reprieve from this. hopefully some fresh air and exercise will work wonders on my attitude. if not, consider this your warning: i'm a grump and any words and actions cannot be held against me.