now here's something we can work with

the post i started a few weeks ago before the madness i call work set in.

i spend a lot of time focusing on what doesn't work in the dating world, specifically what hasn't worked for me so i thought i'd share a bit of positive feedback just so you all know that it isn't all bad.

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in 1999 i moved to remote wyoming (40 miles from anywhere, but very close to yellowstone national park. and by anywhere i mean cody, wyoming where the biggest thing is wal-mart) to manage a guest ranch, the UXU Ranch. i had initially pursued the opportunity as part of a requirement for my bachelor's degree and was looking forward to getting away from some of the drama that was my life. looking back on my time there now i'd classify it as one of the happiest times in my life. the serenity of the location, the lack of focus on anything material, my removal from the craziness of day to day news and updates and everything led to extreme loneliness that later gave way to happiness as i grew to truly know myself and be comfortable with quiet and alone. i was a different person when i came back from that adventure and i'm glad for all that it offered me.

but there's another part to that UXU Ranch story and that involves the boys that i dated while living in that remote location. cody isn't exactly a mecca for bachelors and living 40 miles outside of cody meant that pickings were very very slim. i was lucky enough to meet SW on my second night on the ranch. SW was a cowboy, a rangler on the ranch. a tall skinny man with kind eyes and tight jeans. he wooed me in ways that you only read about in books and see in shows like "little house on the prairie" with things like bouquets of wildflowers and poems and music. he also wowed me with his strength and drive. SW was a bullrider and a pretty good one at that. he spent time teaching me about the world of rodeo and all things that go with being that type of athlete. i watched him ride a few times and the ladies hung on his every move. i was proud to know him. (for those of you who know me now in my power suit wearing, money spending clothes habit with a list a mile long of all things that don't equal cowboy, i'm sure you're scratching your heads about now).

i fell in love with SW in the only way a twenty something year old girl who's removed from everything she knows and is overcome by the beauty of her surroundings can and i pursued that love to the best of my ability (while it lasted). unfortunately, SW made a rather dramatic exit to head back home to big cabin, oklahoma and left me crying with nothing but some bull riding numbers, a cowboy hat and the wait for phone calls and letters - they were interesting times to say the least. for some time after, SW and i continued our relationship via phone and handwritten letters but after he left the ranch i knew we were never going to make it. he wanted me to move home to big cabin to buy a house next door to his parents so that i could raise children i wasn't even sure i wanted. his life and mine only meshed in the world that was known as wyoming - there was nothing else.

but the real reason i bring SW up as one of the good times is because of a letter i found of his when unpacking in my new home. for SW had/has written me the most sincere and gentle words i've ever had from any man i've dated and that's why his story appears here. from a letter by SW:

"You are my ambition and strength to get up every day and become a man so I can push myself for a better life. Please God I hope I never fail."

if that doesn't get under a girl's skin, i don't know what does. thanks SW wherever you are - i hope you found happiness.