reflections on being alone

being alone is a great, liberating feeling right up to the point where it's not. the past few days have put me deep into thought about being alone. a little insight into what's in my head these days:

• i spent saturday morning curled up on my couch, tears running down my face, catching up on some dvr'd shows. for some reason this drama touched me a bit too much? as i was sniffling my way through two cups of coffee, i cherished my alone time b/c for once no explanation was needed for my tears.
• saturday night ended up being a girls night and i fumbled around my house at 1am not worrying about needing to be quiet or who might ask where i'd been.
• last night i came home from my third business trip in as many weeks and realized that i have not had someone (other than my mother) pick me up at the airport since 2003. suddenly lonliness snaked it's way inside and a bit of reality set in. while i love that no one ever asks when i come or go, no one ever knows when i come or go. no one was happy i was home, most people didn't even know i was gone...
• so, i spent last night curled up in a blanket, lights out, candles lit listening to my music while reflecting. for a melancholy night, i was definitely glad that no one asked what on earth i was listening to.
• today i woke up on the absolute worst side of the bed - perhaps a result of excess time in my own noggin. it would've been nice to have someone to tell.

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in other news...the other night after several hours of good conversation a man brushed some hair out of my face in conjunction with our parting hug. this seemingly innocent gesture was somehow surprisingly intimate so much so that i'm still thinking about it days later.