back in the saddle

no sillies, not THAT saddle.

i used to run all the time, sometimes i was training for a marathon, sometimes i wasn't. mostly i was just clearing my head, breathing deeply (and fearing for my life on the pdx streets). sometimes i run on trails, sometimes on tracks, but mostly on roads.

sometime last summer (around the time of the demise of me and the man w/ the kiddo), i just stopped running. i told myself it was because i wasn't working towards anything anymore and that i just couldn't get it up for the run. maybe that was the case or maybe i didn't want to work things out in my mind for awhile. who knows...

when i flipped the calendar to 2008, i knew i wanted to start running again - my blood start pounding for the pavement and my muscles ached for the post-run burn; mostly my mind yearned for the rhythmic 1-2 of my feet claiming each step of mileage, the steady pace, the constant motion, running to the beat of my ipod or maybe my own head.

but then the great surgery of 08 surprised me and laid me out for a month and maybe a little bit scared me about my body. even after i was cleared to exercise, i was afraid to do anything too physical - afraid to lift weights or run or do much of anything other than walk. suddenly, my body with it's knee injuries and scars (all visible to me) had let me down a bit by failing internally where i can't really see what's going on. the last thing i wanted was to end up in that hospital again, for any reason. and so i stayed away. from the gym. from the weights. from my brand new, get your running life together running shoes.

yesterday, my head was in a teeny bit of a funny place - a fit of uncharacteristic honesty and vulnerability towards several people in my life left me feeling the need to pound the pavement. i knew i needed to get back on the road. so with out giving myself too much time to think, i strapped on my new kicks and took off on a 3-mile run, working things out as i went.

today, i'm sore but my head and heart feel lighter. my feet, my body are humming in anticipation of the next outing. hope this feeling lasts....