online dating - the numbers

i know you guys want to hear about fried chicken, but i had to share these little morsels instead...

i broke up with my online dating site awhile ago, things just weren't working out for me or us and i ultimately discovered that it had just become a crutch for me to find fault in every single person i went out with, but...it definitely served its purpose for me at that time.

so, in numbers:

1. total cost for 6 months of dates: approximately $150
2. total dates attended: 40-50 (I'd say that thing paid for itself as most of the dates were very nice on some level)
3. total number of men in PDX metro area who are potential matches for me: over 700. (note: there are appoximately 700 men in the pdx metro area that some computer thinks are a good match for me and yet i'm still single. something doesn't quite add up here).
4. total number of concerts attended on said dates: 2
5. total number of times date concert taker warranted an additional date after concert: 2
6. total number of chain restaurants attended on a date: 1
7. total number of times chain restaurant guy got a 2nd date: 0 (note: I'm not a chain restaurant kind of girl)
8. total new restaurants/ bars tried while on said dates: 6 or so
9. total number of times the nightlight (my favorite bar) was part of my date: 3 or 4
10. total number of first kisses: 5
11. total number of break-ups by me: 1 plus numerous passive agressive closing of matches or non-responses after 1-2 dates
12. total number of times i was yelled at on email by someone i went out with once: 1 (um, this was really pleasant, let me tell you. i did keep the email though so i can occassionally remind myself that apparently i suck when i tell someone i have no chemistry with them).
13. total number of times someone i'd been out with numerous times disappeared on me: 3
14. total number of times one of the disappears re-emerged 6 weeks later: 1 (we're actually good friends now except when ambiguous text messages come into play)
15. total number of times a guy confronted me about our status and we both agreed we wanted to continue seeing each other: 2
16. total number of times above men suddenly were no longer a part of my life: 2
17. total number of times seemingly positive interactions ended and left me with a confused face: 3
18. current number of love interests: 3 (sort of)
19. number of said love interests that i met on dating website: 2
20. last date: Saturday night
21. next date: ?

all in all, the whole process left me more befuddled than before i began and as far as i can tell online dating somehow gives people permission to be crappier communicators and utilize weird crutches than meeting people in the real world. however, it did give me an excuse to get dolled up for someone many, many nights and i have more stories to tell than i ever imagined.

i'd say it was an experiement that did not yield the predicted results, but was successful nonetheless. will i do it again? the jury's still out.

pinball head

my head is like a pinball machine this week with all these potential posts in my head. here are some ideas of posts that i may or may not ever get to actually writing:

1. emo jeans at the gym? 80s? or fashionable? all i know is that emo jeans are not a clown car
2. me as the commonality
3. things that make me smile (a follow-up to things that make me anxious)
4. spring, and why i love it
5. throwing fried chicken at concernts and other random acts of kindness
6. why i currently love portland (bet you never thought you'd hear me say that one)
7. weekend plans/ last weekend's update/ why you probably don't really ever want to date me
8. home improvement/ self improvement projects
9. underthings

let me know if any of these pique your interest, maybe i'll write a fan based post.

happy friday!

back in the saddle

no sillies, not THAT saddle.

i used to run all the time, sometimes i was training for a marathon, sometimes i wasn't. mostly i was just clearing my head, breathing deeply (and fearing for my life on the pdx streets). sometimes i run on trails, sometimes on tracks, but mostly on roads.

sometime last summer (around the time of the demise of me and the man w/ the kiddo), i just stopped running. i told myself it was because i wasn't working towards anything anymore and that i just couldn't get it up for the run. maybe that was the case or maybe i didn't want to work things out in my mind for awhile. who knows...

when i flipped the calendar to 2008, i knew i wanted to start running again - my blood start pounding for the pavement and my muscles ached for the post-run burn; mostly my mind yearned for the rhythmic 1-2 of my feet claiming each step of mileage, the steady pace, the constant motion, running to the beat of my ipod or maybe my own head.

but then the great surgery of 08 surprised me and laid me out for a month and maybe a little bit scared me about my body. even after i was cleared to exercise, i was afraid to do anything too physical - afraid to lift weights or run or do much of anything other than walk. suddenly, my body with it's knee injuries and scars (all visible to me) had let me down a bit by failing internally where i can't really see what's going on. the last thing i wanted was to end up in that hospital again, for any reason. and so i stayed away. from the gym. from the weights. from my brand new, get your running life together running shoes.

yesterday, my head was in a teeny bit of a funny place - a fit of uncharacteristic honesty and vulnerability towards several people in my life left me feeling the need to pound the pavement. i knew i needed to get back on the road. so with out giving myself too much time to think, i strapped on my new kicks and took off on a 3-mile run, working things out as i went.

today, i'm sore but my head and heart feel lighter. my feet, my body are humming in anticipation of the next outing. hope this feeling lasts....

the date, non-date (and other delightful tidbits)

i'm a blogging fiend this week! i don't think i have any readers left b/c i'm just as unreliable here as i am in real life, but in case you're still out there...

today's update is brought to you by the letters B and WTF. get your charts out, friends. this is an update on all the men in my life this week.

last night i went out with my friend (at least i think he's "my friend") the accountant soon to be known as WT (world traveler). accountant/ WT is doing amazing things with his life. in 2 weeks he'll be leaving his job to travel the world for 5 months! (my dream) he's going everywhere from africa to eastern AND western europe to russia to moab, utah. last night we had a date/non-date - it's unclear to me what WT's intentions are anytime that we hang out in non-group settings. last night over a couple beers and catch-up, i helped him plan his brother's bachelor party. ummm....?

on tuesday night, my adorable friend fast track (FT)/teef/etc cooked me dinner at his house. i have an interesting relationship with FT wherein, we pop into each other's lives every 6 weeks or so, hang out a few times and then promptly disappear. this has been going on for more than 7 months now, no idea what it means. tuesday night's encounter was strictly platonic even when we ended up down in his fab tv room watching beauty and the geek. me on the massage chair, FT curled up on his couch. a hug goodbye, a promise to call, another disappearance.

the hunter has unexpectedly disappeared from my life just when i decided i really wanted him in it. after a great date a couple weeks ago, the calling out of me on my stuff (we don't use foul language on this here site) and the hope of some fun times ahead, he's gone and disappeared on me. a planned date on sunday cancelled due to an unexpected friend crisis, a promise to call on monday (no call) and an unreturned text - it's hard to say if something bad has happened, he got spooked, he's disappeared or if he's giving me a dose of my own medicine. honestly, before i decided how i wanted him to be in my life, i could've cared less if he called me when promised or whenever. le sigh.

T's hanging around this week. we'll be having a musical encounter tomorrow. i'll be sure to report back on the giant! gold! watch! and will also be returning to my home (alone) immediately following the musical escapades.

the bright spot on this week is the fabulous emails from CO boy. the waiting for responses, the excitement when the "you've got mail" bit comes up, the smile that crosses my face when a random new tidbit is revealed. the emailing is easy...


and we're back to having a dating website here...knew you'd be thrilled. if i ever get around to settling down this will suddenly become a non-existent outlet.

things that make me anxious:

• not knowing if something has happened to you or if you just decided you didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
• not knowing if i should call to find out.
• sitting in the car for too long (you'll know i'm anxious when i start reading you every sign i pass).
• having over 200 emails in my inbox.
• knowing i need to send some 500 emails on any given day.
• feeling spread too thin.
• the space between too much alone time and not enough.
• when you change or cancel plans on me at the last minute.
• not remembering driving to work b/c i was so in my head.
• knowing i have to give you feedback that i don't know how you'll take
• changing my mind on big decisions
• feeling like you left me out of your plans b/c i wasn't your right audience for whatever reason
• the gigantic staples that i'm not strong enough to remove from the mechanism on the new table
• that i'm about out of my face cream and don't have time (when stores are open) to get more
• thinking about the possibility of always being alone
• thinking about the possibility of being connected to one person for the rest of my life
• thinking about the money still owed on my house, for my surgery, etc.
• thinking that i will never move out of this house even though it was supposed to be a short term investment
• thinking i may have to drive the beetle forever
• calling someone for the first time (especially if it's a boy who i might like)
• too much clutter in my house on my desk in my life
• committing to vacations/ time off

(please note: this is merely a list, not actually how i am feeling - well except one or two at any given moment).

me. speechless.

i don't actually have words right now to describe how wonderful my milestone b-day celebration was. even now, almost two days of coming off the fun/sugar/laughter high, i'm left without actual words. the notetaker, took some pretty detailed notes, so it might be worth hopping over to her blog for some highlights.

things i did come away with:

• my girls carry a place in my heart that cannot be filled by anything or anyone else - i'm so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing women
• laughter truly is the best medicine - 4 days of laughter puts you at overdose levels (but in a good way)
• sometimes an all-day buzz, movies and trivia is enough to chalk the day up as a success
• regardless of marital status, if you put a group of women in a small space for any period of time, the two Bs (boys and body image) will dominate the conversation
• groups of city girls maybe don't so much belong in country bars
• the ocean still soothes the soul

there are pictures and quotes and all sorts of things available, but i'll just carry this weekend in my heart.

wise words, from an apparently now wise woman...me.