pet peeve #1

it's time to start talking about this stuff. if i don't talk about it who will? someone's got to say something!

i work in an office park and i don't really like it. it's two skips off the interstate and is close to nothing but a chili's and a chevy's, but that's not even the root problem. the problem is with the ladies room on the floor where i work.

ladies! there are four stalls in the bathroom! if i am in stall one and there are no other bathroom occupants, please don't use stall #2. it pisses me off and encroaches on my personal space. why when there are two other stalls that would adhere to the one stall of personal space rule would you choose to pee two feet from me. seriously...

oh and also, if you talk on your cell phone from your stall one more time i might bust through the door and drop it into the toilet. disgusting. we have conference rooms for private calls. use them.

signed,
your personal space and hygiene conscious co-worker

ps - wash your hands, everyone has to touch that door handle!!!

Update:
And, if you go into the restroom and no one else is in there, please choose one of the stalls that makes it possible for me, too, to follow the one stall barrier rule...

did you just try to pick me up???

last night, on my way home from work, i encountered what may have been my funniest pick-up line experience of all time.

i'm sitting in my car at a stoplight approximately 10 blocks from my house, my windows are cracked slightly and i'm pondering all of the things i need to get finished before the end of the week. a large tannish/yellow boat of a car - think old cadillac, buick or other ginormous vehicle pulls up beside me. i don't take much notice of the car but do realize that the man in the passenger seat has a rather large afro.

midway through the wait at the light afro man (AM) rolls down his window and shouts "excuse me", clearly he's talking to me. normally when faced with a complete stranger yelling at me through an open car window in the car next to mine, i would likely feign deafness, stare straight ahead and internally plead for the light to change, but it was a beautiful, sun shiney, not too hot day and i was feeling generous so i rolled down my window and said, "yes?".

AM says "do you know this area well?" and i'm thinking he needs directions so i say "yeh, i live here". AM responds, "well i'd like to follow you home and go bumping in your beetle." and for once in my life instead of being completely annoyed or disgusted, i looked at AM, burst out laughing and said, "yeh, i bet you would," rolled up my window as the light changed and drove away.

i spent a good portion of the next half hour just chuckling to myself about the whole interaction because seriously did AM just try to pick up on me?

one friend, two friend, red friend, blue friend

isn't it funny how making one seemingly tiny (or in my case rather large) change in your life starts a cascade of changes and weird things happen or fall into place?

a few weeks ago i took this new job and i don't know if that was the catalyst for all this change or what, but here i am. now, i have a new job, a new cube, i'm moving (in 26 days to somewhere i don't know about yet), i'm going to buy a house, i'm single (again!), yesterday i heard from two different boys i know (i mean that in the manliest sense) - one who i had just met and one i hadn't heard from in years. old boy (OB for short - the one i haven't heard from in years) suddenly connected me with two friends of his (girls) who both moved to portland (separately) within the past year and now i'm going out them this weekend (or maybe early next week)....two seemingly possible new friends.

in the past crazy week, i've had friends rally around me for a million different reasons - to take me to a movie, to drag me out to my "your next phase" dinner (thanks rosie), to look at a million houses online with me (thanks TX Mama and Mom) to talk me off the ledge or tell me stories that are way more important that what's going on in my life and to just generally give me love or offer it up.

it's a reminder that one can never have too many friends. i always say that friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. and no matter why you are here or how long you plan to stay, i'm grateful for you each and everyday.

xo.

waiting for guffman

waiting for guffman is one of my all time favorite movies. i love it because a) i pretty much love any christopher guest movie - he's seriously one of the funniest people i don't know, b) because parker posey always makes me want to pee my pants and c) it's a bunch of crazy adults preparing for a town play, wtf?!

here's the kicker, i think i'm waiting for guffman, you know the film critic who's never going to show up. okay, i'm not starring in a film - i had to drop out of that choir i was performing with because the rehearsal schedule got too intense and the costumes were seriously waaaay too much. but, i'm definitely playing the waiting game. waiting for a realtor to show me a house, waiting to find out if i really, really have to be moved out on August 20, waiting to see if some guy will call me back, waiting for my new boss to tell me what needs to be done, waiting...

what if guffman never shows up? that's the kind of stuff that keeps me awake at night. well that and the heat. i thought it was bad here, turns out i was mistaken. nothing feels better than getting out of a cool shower only to discover sweat running down your back...i'm thankful that it's monday because at least i had an excuse to come to work and bask in the a/c.

moving day

i don't know if i told you (all one of you)that i have a new job. it starts today. i came to work this morning, sat at my same old desk, attended my same old morning meetings and promptly at 10AM shut down my computer and the powers that be came to move all of my work belongings to another location in the building. i'm at my new desk now awaiting instructions for my new job. the next few months are bound to be interesting as i'll be spanning two completely different worlds. i'll still be doing my old job for one of my clients 50% of the time and the other half of my time will be spent in my new job, no longer in the account world. i've never done this before - changed jobs in a company. i always leave and i think i know why. if i'd left, i would've given my 2 weeks notice, turned over my work and started my new job fresh. none of this long transition, my clients don't know i'm leaving stuff. weird.

funny thing is, this isn't the last time i'll be moving in coming months. so much change in my life right now. i'll be posting moving day part deux when i move out of my place. lots o' change...

lonely

i feel quiet today. maybe it's melancholy. i like melancholy.

i got home late last night and the questions began. when i arrived at work today they continued. everyone wants to know how things were, what i did, how i felt and it's totally fair. that's what you do when your friends come back from vacation - you ask. but i don't want to talk about it. i cried when i left last night. was really sad to be leaving for some reason. i don't usually cry when i leave anywhere. it's just that i'd had such a glorious time being among so much new and old combined. and now i'm here. a stranger among friends still bathing in the glow of being among people (my mom) who love me unconditionally.

i also used my time away to think. think about what's next and where i'm going and how i'm going to get there. i have decisions to make, i'm a little too lazy (professionals call it ambivalent) to make them. what's next?

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the place where i've been living since i moved to PDX sold while i was away. i knew it was coming, just didn't know when and i was banking on that time to help me figure things out about portland. no indication of when i'll need to be out could me a month, could be six but the move isn't just about moving it's about so much else.

this doesn't happen often, but i honestly don't know how to be when i'm lonely among friends...

reunion ramblings

i've been out of pocket for the last few days taking a quick jaunt to CO for my high school reunion. Let me preface this by saying that I never, ever thought I would consider attending my high school reunion. I was over high school about 1.5 years before I graduated - couldn't wait to get out of there, move on to the next thing, meet the next people and leave the misery of adolesence and high school behind. So when our class president (who was a great pal in high school - in fact he had a crush on my in junior high which we reminiced about last night) called me out of the blue about a year ago to talk about reunion planning i didn't quite know what to say. i've kept in touch with one person i went to high school with and she occasionally tells me what other people we knew were up to.

in the past year, i've talked to the class pres, Chris, a number of times as he and his wife had there first baby, checking in about this and that - we talk for just a few minutes every few months. so, as the reunion got closer i figured i had absolutely nothing to lose by going to events where i knew nary a soul and just seeing what happened.

imagine my surprise at showing up at the first event friday evening, dreading what might occur and actually ENJOYING myself. connections with people who i haven't seen in 10-12 years, enjoying their company, being awed by their successes, families and achievements. a mixer led to drinks at another bar with 20 or so classmates and a night out until 4:30AM which i probably haven't done since college. reunion events have been jam packed all weekend. i've spent more time with these people in the last 3 days than i did in probably all of high school, made/refound some great new connections and friends. and this afternoon at a late brunch after last night's continued debachery i was sad to say goodbye to them.

here's to pleasant surprises and some new/reestablished friendships.

ocean reflections

early friday evening i had my first opportunity to step away from the beach house and immerse myself in the sea air and the sounds of the ocean. i'd somehow missed the girlfriend i was walking down there to meet so grabbed a spot at the top of the dune not far from the surf's edge and managed to contemplate life. i love the ocean, it's part of the reason i moved to the west coast, and i make trips to the water's edge as often as i possibly can. on this night all alone, but surrounded by families and couples and others i was overcome with specific memories of ocean visits. the ocean has provided a back-drop for some fairly significant events in my life...i can only wait in anticipation of what's to come.

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it's 2001 and i'd traveled to puerto vallarata with my then live-in boyfriend and my family. i'd figured out days before the trip that he'd intended to propose to me during the trip and i'd also figured out that i didn't want to marry him. the house we stayed in was beautiful, the food divine and my attitude was horrible. i loved spending the time with my family, but i spent the entire trip making sure that there was no opportunity for the proposal to occur. in a nutshell, i was a nightmare to be around. i spent days and nights reflecting, pulling away from my relationship and determining next steps. the return to seattle a week later was the beginning of the end. the ring had indeed made the journey and thankfully never found it's way out of it's travel spot. we determined when we got back that there was nothing left, i didn't love him the way he loved me and a volatile and long-lived break-up ensued. that ocean led to sleeping in separate bedrooms, yelling matches, angry words and tears. sometimes i wonder what would've happened if i just would've made nice and said yes...

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two years later - 2003. after spending more than a year being with just me, i'd dated one guy fairly regularly through the winter breaking up when realizing what we had in common wasn't enough to sustain a relationship. memorial day weekend of that year i randomly met a man with whom sparks flashed the moment we met - if there's such a thing as love at first sight this is what i'd guess it's like. he didn't live where i lived and july 4 brought us together in the middle of california on a sunny ocean beach. wine, treats, shared kisses and hopes were the feelings that this ocean brought me and when that ocean-dream came crashing down i sometimes wished i'd just drifted off into the sea.

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2004. i'm dating someone new. as a special treat/ getaway we're heading up to the San Juan Islands to spend some time on the island where his dad lives. we spend the weekend hiking, exploring and enjoying the quiet. i discover i love this part of the country, the cold water, the beautiful trees. since then we've shared numerous holidays with friends and family looking out into this ocean. this ocean embraces me when i'm there but also reminds me that it's not truly mine. i'm just a passenger on someone else's ship here.

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this weekend, July 2006. i'm sitting at the ocean's edge remembering each of these scenarios. looking out towards the horizon, i see nothing but water and possibilities spread out before me. i feel small. i'm waiting for a sign to push me in one direction or another. i'm not riding on a boat but my life feels like i'm just a small wood raft drifting through life. what does this ocean hold?

turns out it held the girls weekend i needed. laughter, games, movies, beach time and fun. it was a nice diversion from all the things that are distracting me from me right now and coming to work on a monday with pink cheeks is never a bad thing.

on the importance of girlfriends

I never understood/ can never understand the women who say that most of their friends are men. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy men (most of the time). I've dated a lot of them, befriended quite a few of them, and spent many late nights pondering their perception of the world, reactions to difficult situations and they way they address life - all so very, very different from women. But those intrinsic differences are the primary reason why I think girlfriends are important. I love to surround myself with beautiful, strong women who can provide me perspective on everything from the latest boy drama, to my career path, to my choice of shoes for a Friday night happy hour. My guy friends are great. I like to use them to gain specific insight into anything male that I don't quite understand. My male friends ask me the questions that can occasionally push my limits and I think they use me more to quell their curiosity on all things female than I ever use them to understand my situation. But it's my female friends that are my role models, my confidantes and my soul mates. My girlfriends are the one's who tell me I'm beautiful and I believe them because I know they don't have an ulterior motive; they take me away from my life when a boy breaks my heart (escaping the country if that's what it takes); they'll go to the coffee shop with me to people watch and be just as snarky as I am; they'll listen to me ramble on and on about the same old story when I'm not yet strong enough to make a decision; and they'll bare their souls to me in the same way I bare mine both of us opening ourselves up to the vulnerability that only two women friends can share. Thank goodness for girlfriends!

This weekend is a "girls weekend". I'm headed to the Oregon coast with a dear friend of mine and some new girl friends as well. I expect time to be consumed with girl talk, girly movies, wine and beach-time.

i'm greek

not by lineage, but by choice. i don't usually talk about my greek affiliation to anyone who didn't know me during college. there's a reason for this pseudo secret of mine - i can see it on all of your faces when i mention that i'm a sorority girl - immediate judgement and stereotypes rush across your features like a stock market ticker. i don't need you to judge me for those choices and make assumptions about who i am or the kind of girl you think i was in college so i opt not to tell you. it's easier that way.

however, this week i'm talking about it. i just spent the last week in Phoenix, AZ enjoying the lovely Biltmore Hotel and attending my sorority's 72nd Convention. 600+ women attended this event and i came away from it feeling inspired. inspiration is something that i've been missing in my life and i'm glad to have it back. not only was i able to connect with friends and "sisters" old and new, but i was reminded of the bigger purpose of these types of women's organizations. with all of the negative hype about fraternities and sororities these days, it was refreshing to see the positive side of all of this. last week i was introduced to women who have done amazing things - become the first president of a top-ranked university, pushed to have babies hearing tested and ultimately changed the future for many children, gone on to become well-known sports anchors, etc. these are women i'm proud to call my sisters. women who are open about being greek and openly praise their sorority involovement for providing them with the leadership skills and opportunities to pursue these careers and opportunities. i know a lot of things have contributed to my success thus far in life - my upbringing, my education, etc. but today, just for today, let's thank the fact that i'm greek for helping me to get here.


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we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming after the July 4th holiday. in the meantime enjoy a day celebrating independence - eat a hot dog, drink a beer and get some sun.