portland is pretty (& also a story)

it snowed off and on all day yesterday in the great pdx. at moments you could hardly see out the window and last night driving home i got caught in a brief blizzard where signs suddenly disappeared (this and the possible freezing temps gave me just enough push to forgo the gym and cozy into my house).

i expected to wake up this morning to icy roads and the recommendation to stay home from work (i even took my computer home in anticipation. well that, and the fact that they recommend that we take our computers home every night in the winter b/c you just never know...funny, really). alas, some snow and frost on my car and many school closures, but a regular work day for me. it was seattle who got lucky this time...here's hoping for pdx ice storm of 2006 (but only after i am home in my warm slippers).

#####

and now for a fun/disasterous dating story...b/c i haven't shared a good one in awhile. frequent commenter, coho, will remember this one as this is from the days when we were like peanut butter and jelly and she had to live through the recounts of a ton of these (although let's be honest, she brought plenty of her own dating disasters to the table).

oh, and also, this is the part where i reveal that i am an evil, evil woman...

it took me a minute to remember where i even met this guy, over the top dater (OTTD), but everything has just come back to me.

it was my friend travis' b-day and his boyfriend always threw some kind of wild party for him - this particular year was no exception. (incidentally, it just so happens to be T's b-day today and though i haven't spoken to him in a couple years i'll throw him a virtual happy b-day!) coho and i had gotten all dolled up to join in on the festivities at a local, but swanky new, bar. OTTD was a friend of a friend of a friend or something and in a nutshell basically no one anyone we knew knew him so when he kind of latched onto me early in the night i turned to coho and said, "let's see how long it takes for this guy to ask for my number." (see, me? mean.)

it didn't take OTTD long and being the seasoned dater that i was, i simply handed him my business card expecting never to see him again (b/c honestly, that's how these things work - seriously). but you see, that's the part where i didn't know OTTD was OTTD b/c if i had known that about him then, i would've clammed up and never given the guy my card just to avoid this scenario.

OTTD called me at work the very next day wanting to know when we could get together. i stalled and stalled and finally agreed to meet him, for coffee, in a very busy location near his workplace. (this is a good time to call out that he worked for the company where coho now works and they also sometimes pay my bills. coho - you running into that guy ever?).

date day comes and i drive to meet him directly from work (see this all sounds pretty nice and innocent right now, eh?). when i first spot him i'm surprised to discover that a man who i know works for a company with a dress code of jeans, is wearing khakis and a jacket - this should've been my first clue. OTTD gives me a quick hug and suggests we go to dinner in lieu of coffee, i agree and we walk to a nearby thai restaurant. we sit down for what i assume will be a slightly awkward, but overall pleasant dinner and it did start out that way right up to the point where OTTD reaches into his suit jacket pocket (proposal style) and pull out a jewelry box. my initial reaction of wtf is sent through the roof when i open it up to find a silver necklace with flower charm a) not my style, but how would OTTD know that - he just met me and b) really, honestly too much for a first non-date, date - we were meeting for coffee for crying out loud!!!

OTTD then tells me that his mother told him to always bring a girl flowers, but he thought this would last much longer (gag!). i tell him it's lovely (what else am i to do?) but that i can't wear it right now as the neckline of my sweater doesn't allow for accessories (that's a line if i ever heard one).

now, i might have survived and not even written about this story if that had been the end of it. (wait! who am i kidding, it was still way too much), but when OTTD insisted on paying for dinner, walking me to my car and pushing past my handshake for a hug he'd already made it to my worst date hall of fame. the whole store got worse when the next day, at work, i got 5 phone calls and the largest and fanciest bouquet of flowers i have ever received in my entire life - needless to say OTTD went racing straight to the top of the too much and a little scary dates.

long story short, i had to call this guy (after one non-date, date!) and tell him that it just wasn't working. seriously, scary!

one closing note, over the years, many friends have pointed out that had i actually been attracted to this guy that i would've been thrilled with the gifts and calls and flowers and maybe that is the case. i guess that's the part that is the most scary about the dating - one man's OTTD is another man's treasure (that's the saying, right?)

oh, and the necklace? i ended up taking it to the store where it was purchased and exchanging it for something that was a bit more me. sometimes i still wear it.

of note...

through all the bad dates and serious relationships and things of that nature over the past few years, i seem to have lost my game (whatever game i may have had at some point in my life). take this snapshot from earlier this week:

just for background (and the record). i am not hot gym girl - never have been, never will be. i'm sweaty, trying to loose a few pounds, but mostly hoping to just tone, lots of clothes to cover up my legs which i don't so much like gym girl. i don't wear tiny tank tops or short shorts and no one EVER talks to me at the gym (unless they are my trainer in which case, much like the sorority, it was because i paid them to talk to me - haha!)

at any rate, the other night i was at the gym lifting some weights and generally beefing up my tough-o-meter when hot gym guy (HGG) starts using a machine right next to were i'm working on the ole biceps. out of the blue HGG turns to me and says "i didn't take your machine did i?".

me: "no, because if you did i would beat you up." (me making punching motions with my hands)

HGG: "phew, well i'm glad that didn't happen."

note: here's the part where if you were me you maybe would've said something witty back.

me: "yeah, because i'm tough." and then...i promptly finished my set and walked away.

way to go self, way to go.

#####

this smooth move concludes the scheduled postings for this week. you may hear more depending on how things go on the big day (turkey day, sillies), but here's wishing all No Kool-Aid Here readers a Happy Thanksgiving.

a thanks for something

it's turkey week! (or thanksgiving week for most of you).

i'm in a bit of a weird spot this year. i know, i know me in a weird spot? never... but this year for the turkey time i belong neither here nor there, just somewhere in the middle. i have had three different people ask me what's wrong with me this week. and honestly, i don't think anything but maybe something. we'll call it holidays.

since i'm not big on the mushy give thanks posts, i thought i'd share some pics from my trip to germany and thank that country for a glorious kick off to November.

me tearing it up until 5AM (whoops!) also i apparently have no chin when dancing


drinking beer munich style (you have to rest that stein on your wrist b/c it's so heavy)



munich view from the clock tower


munich likes lions like every other city has had it's fun

um, hi, apparently i'm "that" girl

the votes are in and apparently i am now "that" girl, the one that you maybe don't want to take to functions where your grandmother or very conservative parents will be because i'm, um maybe sort of unpredictable and you just never know what's going to come shooting out of my mouth. ugh!

yesterday, i attended the work baby showers of two friends/colleagues and not because, but maybe a little bit because of the fact i'm neither married nor have children the following completely inappropriate things came out of my mouth (in front of women i'd never met, some i've known for a while, and some small babies):

1. "I'd totally do him!" - in response to someone mentioning that George Clooney had once again been voted the sexiest man alive.
2. "I bet the first thing you thought of was that Sex and the City episode where Samantha or someone says, 'no one needs a penis with a carrying case!'" - in response to one woman sharing why she'd decided to circumcise her child.
3. I said a few other choice things, that have currently slipped my mind (which, in the interest of full disclosure, or lack thereof, is maybe a good thing), in response to various gifts opened - egad! who am i?

However, i'd like to note that one of my dear friends (whom many of you know), also in the room made the following comment about a very large bib that was gifted. "I have a great idea why don't you dress your baby up in that humongous thing and nothing else."

Perhaps this is why we are both single and childless...

phew! i'm glad we got that out of the way

in an effort to avoid dealing/posting with/about my year of decline with a few bright spots (aka 2006), i wanted to share some really fantastic news with you all.

while i was away, my office has been transformed. transformed into a winter safety and health conscious wonderland. here are some of my great findings:

• even though some of my co-workers have questionable bathroom habits and i've witnessed the lack of hand washing, posters are now at every bathroom entrance and in every stall suggesting that you cover your mouth when coughing and then promptly wash or sanitize your hands. A few comments: one, are we really only concerned about this now? two, are we adults, really unsure of what do do when we feel a cough coming on? three, if we are going to post this, maybe we could also post some step-by-step instructions on how to wipe one's own rear?
• our building management has also posted some signs throughout the building on winter safety including the recommendation that we no longer park under trees (in case you didn't hear, the NW has had horrible rains in the past week and trees have fallen down cutting power and causing other issues). my main comment to that is: "gee, thanks for the suggestion. just one thing to note, we have trees throughout our entire parking lot and my guess is that there are one, maybe two parking spaces that are not near trees. everyday 98% of the spaces are filled with cars so i don't really have a lot of options to park 'away' from trees as you so kindly suggest."

I'm sure there are several other gems, but those are the top two. phew! i don't know what i would've done without the guidance - thanks all!

it's the same thing in any language

caveat: i just returned to the states from germany yesterday and jet lag has hit me hard and heavy, but i knew my readers were waiting....

seriously, the mating dance (literally in this case) is truly the same in any language. take this snapshot, for instance:

last week after finishing the work portion of my german excursion some colleagues and i decided to go out for a celebratory dinner. we went to a delicious french restaurant (in germany) where we drank german champagne, ate some delicious food and downed several bottles of wine. honestly, we were in a good place when we left the restaurant. after dinner we decided to meet up with some other colleagues at a nearby cuban bar for some additional beverages and i maybe had the biggest vodka soda i've ever had (think beer stein of vodka with a splash of coke) and then maybe had one more drink after that so when said colleagues suggested we go to a club to meet up with yet more colleagues, it seemed like the perfect idea. (note: i was out until nearly 5AM which has last happened....um, NEVER!)

at any rate, approximately 30 minutes after our arrival i was tearing it up on the dance floor when some german? belgian? some non-English speaking fellow starts grinding on me. and at first i'm tipsy enough to think it's pretty funny and a bit flattering, but when he reaches over to unbutton my sweater, i grab two of my guy friends and beg them to save me, because seriously, wtf?!?! throughout the entire night i cannot get rid of this guy no matter how many other men i dance with and how often i turn away from him. and at the end of the night when i'm sitting on the couch waiting for friends to close out bills and whatnot, the guy's standing there by the door with his coat on perhaps thinking that he's coming home with me. but here's the thing, he's not. and other than dancing with him at the beginning, i did nothing to give this man the impression that he would be.

a cold shoulder, a quick chat with my male colleague and some comments later and the guy finally takes off. now i realize we'd all been drinking and dancing and whatnot, but what gives men the right to assume that a few dances equals an invitation to come home?

i guess the good news is that it makes no difference where you are, some liquor and and a heavy dance beat seems to present men with the idea that they have a license to conquer women and being conquered is one thing i don't need.

i'll stand on my own thanks.

#####

more thoughts on my german adventures to come - just as soon as these cobwebs exit my head.

ready for new

october's been a hard month for me both professionally and personally.

professionally, i've been challenged in both good and bad ways, have been stretched to my limits, practiced working on no sleep (again!) and produced amazing results. this month i've cried about my job, i've been praised by people who didn't know my name six weeks ago and i've been given many, many things to think about in regards to my future career.

personally, i've cried more in this month than i can probably ever remember having cried. i've had to say goodbye to two pets, physically hurt myself (a fall at work resulting in a wrist injury), and mourned the loss of those who were once my closest mates.

it's been a rough month and i'm ready for november - a fresh month, a flip of the calendar page, a different perspective.

with that said, i'm leaving the country for 9 days at the end of the week (primarily for work, but a little for fun) - the housesitter's all geared up, reservations made, bicycles and books and cafes waiting.

you likely won't hear from me until the next month has begun - i can't bear to have to talk anymore about october.

this just in...

i'm my own worst enemy and also apparently quite a klutz.

i came into work a little late this morning as i was having some work done on my house. nevermind that i just spent 5 minutes in the parking lot fixing my make-up b/c i was on the phone crying about something and didn't want to be that girl when i walk into the office.

luckily, in order to counter my slightly less than perfect make-up, i'm rocking this great pair of cuffed pinstriped trousers and some stilettos or at least that's what i think. right up to the part where my heel somehow gets caught in my cuff and next thing i know i'm sprawled out on the floor, my lunchtime broccoli and carrots busted out of their sack and scattered about the floor next to a now very, very bruised pear all of which have flown out of my bag. i've skinned my knee and hurt my wrist, but thankfully no one saw me and i didn't just flat out rip the seam of my pants (it was that kind of fall).

i get up, my wrist throbbing, and laugh out loud for the first time today.

ten minutes later when i head to the kitchen to fill my coffee mug there are still tiny bits of broccoli on the carpet - no one knows my secret...

i may be a klutz, but at least i entertain myself.

bathroom pet peeves cont.

ladies, ladies, ladies. apparently my first post wasn't enough to help you understand how to navigate the women's restroom so we're back, for round 2.

ladies, i realize sometimes you might run into a friend in our company's restroom and i get that it's monday morning and you maybe haven't seen or heard from this co-worker friend since last friday. and i get that that is approximately 3 days and that there might be loads and loads of things to catch up on - how the weekend was, what cute thing your kid accomplished, how that date went, etc., etc. but there is NO NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE RESTROOM!!!! step outside and away from the flushing toilets ladies, we have a nice patio, great hallways, a starbucks within walking distance - you've got options.

and also then? then, i don't have to go pee while listening to your conversation.

thanks.

now here's something we can work with

the post i started a few weeks ago before the madness i call work set in.

i spend a lot of time focusing on what doesn't work in the dating world, specifically what hasn't worked for me so i thought i'd share a bit of positive feedback just so you all know that it isn't all bad.

#####

in 1999 i moved to remote wyoming (40 miles from anywhere, but very close to yellowstone national park. and by anywhere i mean cody, wyoming where the biggest thing is wal-mart) to manage a guest ranch, the UXU Ranch. i had initially pursued the opportunity as part of a requirement for my bachelor's degree and was looking forward to getting away from some of the drama that was my life. looking back on my time there now i'd classify it as one of the happiest times in my life. the serenity of the location, the lack of focus on anything material, my removal from the craziness of day to day news and updates and everything led to extreme loneliness that later gave way to happiness as i grew to truly know myself and be comfortable with quiet and alone. i was a different person when i came back from that adventure and i'm glad for all that it offered me.

but there's another part to that UXU Ranch story and that involves the boys that i dated while living in that remote location. cody isn't exactly a mecca for bachelors and living 40 miles outside of cody meant that pickings were very very slim. i was lucky enough to meet SW on my second night on the ranch. SW was a cowboy, a rangler on the ranch. a tall skinny man with kind eyes and tight jeans. he wooed me in ways that you only read about in books and see in shows like "little house on the prairie" with things like bouquets of wildflowers and poems and music. he also wowed me with his strength and drive. SW was a bullrider and a pretty good one at that. he spent time teaching me about the world of rodeo and all things that go with being that type of athlete. i watched him ride a few times and the ladies hung on his every move. i was proud to know him. (for those of you who know me now in my power suit wearing, money spending clothes habit with a list a mile long of all things that don't equal cowboy, i'm sure you're scratching your heads about now).

i fell in love with SW in the only way a twenty something year old girl who's removed from everything she knows and is overcome by the beauty of her surroundings can and i pursued that love to the best of my ability (while it lasted). unfortunately, SW made a rather dramatic exit to head back home to big cabin, oklahoma and left me crying with nothing but some bull riding numbers, a cowboy hat and the wait for phone calls and letters - they were interesting times to say the least. for some time after, SW and i continued our relationship via phone and handwritten letters but after he left the ranch i knew we were never going to make it. he wanted me to move home to big cabin to buy a house next door to his parents so that i could raise children i wasn't even sure i wanted. his life and mine only meshed in the world that was known as wyoming - there was nothing else.

but the real reason i bring SW up as one of the good times is because of a letter i found of his when unpacking in my new home. for SW had/has written me the most sincere and gentle words i've ever had from any man i've dated and that's why his story appears here. from a letter by SW:

"You are my ambition and strength to get up every day and become a man so I can push myself for a better life. Please God I hope I never fail."

if that doesn't get under a girl's skin, i don't know what does. thanks SW wherever you are - i hope you found happiness.

beauty in the details

not the post i had intended for today, but thought i'd share anyway.

everyday on my way to and from work i have the opportunity to observe the progress on the OHSU tram (a big controversial solution to transportation issues here in PDX). and things are getting kind of close to being finished so today i was thinking about how fun it might be and wondering if it might somehow become a crazy tourist attraction (kind of like trams on the matterhorn and other things of that nature) and all of the sudden i really looked at my drive heading directly west towards the hills and my thoughts were quieted by the beauty of the changing colors of the trees on the hill below OHSU.

i make that drive everyday. and i'm always running late or annoyed with the guy in front of me or distracted by something else, but today my mind sat still for just a moment as i celebrated in the beauty of the changing leaves on the side of a portland hill.

thank goodness for the little things.

in case you were wondering...

i have not died.

i have not stopped blogging.

i don't hate my 4 readers.

i still have two legs (and arms and 10 fingers on each hand).

my car is still in one piece (as am i).

i haven't been on vacation and forgot to tell you.

my cats did not eat my face off.

i did not spontaneously combust (although i did come close a few times).

i just got pulled into the biggest work project ever last week and then needed time to recuperate.

next post is started, check back later this week.


hello world!!!

this is what i have to look forward to?

the other night at happy hour with some new PDX friends, i heard one of the most horrifying modern day cheating stories that i've ever known to be true.

one of the women i was with shared the following story about her friend, scorned lover (SL).

SL had known things weren't perfect between she and the boy for a month or more. in fact, they'd opted to take some breathing space for two weeks to determine next steps. one week into the "space" SL decided that this whole thing was BS and called the boy to make plans one week in to sort everything out. (btw...SL and the boy had been dating for quite some time) they agreed to meet on sunday to discuss what's what. sunday morning SL called the boy to finalize details but her call went unanswered so she took herself for a walk. when she returned an hour or so later, the call had still not been returned (very unlike the boy) so she got a little worried. several hours later (when she had still not heard back) she took herself over to the boy's house and let herself in with her key. like a scene from a movie, inside SL found clothes strewn about, two cars in the garage (one belonging to someone other than the boy) and other evidence that the boy had been with someone else. all evidence of SL had been removed from the boy's house - her personal items from the shower, her robe, etc. it was obvious that this hadn't just been a one-night thing; the boy had taken great care to erase any evidence of SL.

so, SL did what any normal, totally freaked out, just discovered she'd been cheated on woman would do. she rifled through drawers until she found most of her stuff and wrote a post-it note stating that it was over and she'd like her key and the rest of her stuff back as soon as possible. and then she walked out the door, sobbed and called her girlfriend.

as my friend was sharing this story, my first thought was "well, at least she didn't walk in on the two of them together," but my longer reflections on this make me sick to my stomach. these two people had exchanged keys and portions of their lives and yet the boy had no qualms about putting SL's stuff away, regardless of their situation. this is scary, scary stuff.

now i realize that both men and women cheat - i've heard both sides of the story. i'm not a cheater - never have been, never will be. i'm sure i've been cheated on (in fact, there are definitely moments, or a moment, when i believe/believed that my last bf started cheating on me and that may have been the exact moment when i checked out), but if this is what i have to look forward to, why even bother getting back out there?

i'll remember her this way

we got molly and her sister sophie after the tragic loss of my childhood dog and quasi-sister (b/c i'm an only child and somehow pets become sibs when you're an only), kirsty. the year was approximately 1992; they were the cutest puppies we had ever seen and i begged and begged to get molly, another dog of my own. my mom and stepdad finally gave in and several weeks later the world's cutest puppies came into our home.

my mom will sometimes talk about how they were the worst puppies, but ended up being the best dogs. they were so hyper and difficult to train and they were big enough to hurt when they pulled or jumped. i don't think one of us escaped having giant bruises in the shapes of puppy claws running down our legs as a result of some hyper, "i'm so glad that you're home" interaction.

molly was definitely my dog and i loved that she was the first dog i ever had that played frisbee endlessly, she could jump so high. during my angsty high school years, it was with molly that i shared all my secrets about my broken hearts after boyfriends, my dreams, my next steps, etc. we'd walk at night in the neighborhood and i'd tell her my story. she was a constant listener and always wanted to be where you were - she could never get enough petting.

molly was our dog who stole baked goods (which she loved more than anything else) from the counters while they were cooling and she got into more trouble for climbing up on the couches - she always wanted to be a lap dog, but she was way too big.

her sister sophie, our other dog, died when i was in college and molly went through a huge depression - she'd lost her soul mate and single companion. molly powered through and ended up being such a great job in her later years. i didn't take her with me when i moved to seattle - by then we already thought she was too old (going on eight at that time and we'd never had a dog live more than 9 or 10 years), but every time i came home i'd spend countless hours petting molly.

this year molly turned 14 and the last couple years had been rough on her - we'd had a few scares with her and we knew that she was at the point in her life where she'd feel great and be playing and walking one day and gone the next.

over the weekend, molly passed away in a somewhat tragic accident given we always just thought she'd die in her sleep. she fell and hurt herself and no one knew she was that hurt - in a matter of hours she'd gone. i learned of it last night and spent hours looking at pictures of her, just crying my eyes out.

so this week we'll be quiet and mourn the loss.

i prefer to remember her this way - a loyal friend and constant companion, one who will surely be missed.

while were on the subject...

at the end of this post, i mentioned the spanx. today, i donned a clean pair of them to increase the svelte look of this pinstriped skirt. the last couple times i've worn the spanx, it's led me to have this internal dialogue (carrie bradshaw style) and now i'm bringing it to you, the internets. because, i can't help but wonder...when wearing the spanx am i fronting as someone i'm not?

spanx are essentially a body slimmer, right? and if i'm wearing a body slimmer under my clothes then even though i may be presenting a sleeker more streamlined version of myself, i'm essentially presenting a slightly altered version of myself. and then i get to thinking about how this isn't really any different from the women who use the cutlets to enhance their busts (not that i have any experience in this area). and then i start to think about how awkward that would be if on a date or something and the cutlet suddenly came out, how your date might be shocked. pretty much that's a little bit similar to these silly spanx - they make me a little bit of something i'm not. at any rate, the difference is not super noticeable (between the wearing and the not), probably mostly to myself but today this whole slight alteration of the body bit is in my head.

just thinking is all...

dating is f'ing hiliarious

and i haven't even started yet.

but in honor of my upcoming adventures (even i think it's hilarious and it happens to me) i thought i'd share some of my worst and best dating experiences. (because let's be honest here, those of of you in the committed relationship, marriage, whatever, love to hear my crazy assed dating stories - i could write a book about this stuff).

####

my first worst date:

my first worst date occurred sometime in college (it was the best of the worst if that's any indication of what's to come). some guy, who we will call Jon (and who's name really may have been Jon but it's been so long that i really can't remember and if i can't remember then there's no way that you could ever figure out who it is and even in Jon did read this blog for some strange reason unbeknownst to me he wouldn't even know it's him and also b/c i apparently love run on sentences).

anyway, Jon wanted to take me out on a date. Jon was a nice-ish guy who I knew from one or more activities i was involved in during my college years. i wasn't particularly attracted to him, but he seemed nice enough and so i agreed to meet him at some ridiculous chain restaurant (think Chili's, Applebee's, etc.). Note: every girl has their own deal breakers and this happens to be one of many for me. so if you know me and you think you might want to date me, please, please don't take me to the chain unless i've requested it b/c i'm craving some wacky food they have, but also never, ever take me to the chain on the first date - it's just not going to work for us.

so, i meet Jon at the chili's (or whatever) and we sit down for our meal. Jon orders a salad, i do not. midway through Jon's salad he drips some dressing on his hand and rather than use the perfectly nice napkin he has placed in his lap, he decides to remove the salad dressing from his hand with his tongue in a public place. (btw - he did not remove it with his tongue in some kind of sexy trying to turn me on way, he removed it like a dog lapping your excess ice cream from a bowl). deal breaker #1.

but, oh no, it did not stop there. i manage to somehow sit through the remainder of the meal and when the check comes i do what every good girl has been taught to do - the purse reach. now i'm all about going dutch (or whatever you want to call it) but in some ways am a bit old fashioned and think that if you asked me out, you should probably pay. turns out our pal, Jon, has forgotten his wallet so i did more than reached for my purse, i paid for our meal, on our first date!!!!

and that my friend's is why Jon never made it past round one.

#####

in other news, rosie wanted me to title my next post "my spanx are dirty" because that was my MO all of last week. i had traveled to seattle on friday, spent the weekend with friends and been awakened in my hotel room sunday eve at 3:30AM by a fire alarm - it put a damper on the week's start. tuesday and wednesday were super busy, migraine on thursday, felt fat in my skirt b/c my spanx really were dirty. a weekend guest expected on friday.

unfortunately, said weekend guest could not come in the end so i ended up with an unexpected free weekend. i enjoyed my new local coffee shop, met rosie for shopping fun, saw the devil wears prada, went for a long bike ride and generally enjoyed the sunny PDX weather.

not too bad for starting the weekend off "dirty" (as in my spanx sillies).

fall has fallen

when spring begins budding anew we always say "spring has sprung", what do we say about fall?

at any rate, if possible fall has officially arrived almost overnight. yes i know the days have been getting shorter and the nights cooler, but with the occasional hot day still rearing it's sweaty head, i thought my favorite season was never going to arrive this year. on a walk with leslie earlier this week, i lamented about the fact that i couldn't wait for the rains. well, the rains arrived today. last night i slept in my flannel pj pants with the windows open and woke up this morning with both cats and me snuggling into the summer quilt - i love it!

on my drive up to seattle this morning (yes, i'm up here over the weekend for work - two trips in one week), i was completely caught off guard when i stopped daydreaming for a moment only to catch a glimpse of some tree lined road with leaves in all colors of golden, red and orange - i love fall. today, a little jacket with my outfit and the umbrella in the back seat, a quick thai lunch (warm foods are necessary) with two of my favorite co-workers from our bellevue office. tonight, time with a dear old seattle friend and a cozy fire. this weekend i'll be enjoying fall in the great emerald city and next week, i'll think about fall in PDX.

can't wait to wear scarves and boots...

smacked in the face with fun (and other random happenings)

WARNING: This post is B-O-R-I-N-G, boring!!! I'm just so busy that I can't think of anything to write about other than what I've been up to.

So here goes. Here's what I've been doing in the last week when you maybe thought I was MIA.

* I reminded myself that sometimes it's fun to use capital letters and correct punctuation when writing.

* I've been working like a madwoman managing too much stuff, but my first major event in my new position (for approx. 600) is on Monday so that's why I'm not blogging, not calling, not emailing, not anything except finalizing and traveling.

And now, on to the ways in which I've been smacked in the face with fun:

* Last Friday night, I went on a super long walk with my friend the lumberjack (great pet name, eh? I didn't decide it - her bf's sister did). we walked all through this beautiful park. btw, did you know that Portland has the highest rate of green space/parks per capita of anywhere in the US or some such statistic? Then we went back to lumberjack's house for some Thai, wine and chatter.

* Saturday I had the pleasure of attending the soapbox race finals with some new PDX friends. What fun! Mostly it reminded me of some themed fraternity party from when I was in college, but I enjoyed the sun, innovation and general boozing. This event was followed by the exploration of my new hood and the Belmont Street fair.

* Saturday night Rosie came over for dinner when I inexplicably got a wee bit too intoxicated (honest, i did not drink THAT much). We caught up on all things as we hadn't seen each other in weeks.

* Sunday I laid in a pile for most of the day and then went bike riding and to lunch around the SE - great fun.

* This week I'm crazy traveling (yesterday), in PDX today and tomorrow and back to Seattle Fri - Mon. Expect posting to be sporadic and less than fascinating unless I happen upon something that my internet friends can't live another moment without knowing.

I promise to entertain you next week.

"if you don't quit, i'm going to leave you behind on purpose"

that's a direct quote from some sushi conversation i overheard yesterday at the pearl district art festival. i spied some really beautiful art there - i'm always in awe of the artistic folk (i'm okay with the art of wordsmithing, but not much else), that vision of something out of nothing, seeing the beauty in the mundane, it's an awesome, awesome thing. even more "interesting" were the people attending the event. it takes all kinds right? and people come out of the woodwork for a free festival and fried food, but the kicker was definitely the parenting moment quoted above. now don't think i've never thought that about anyone, b/c believe me i have. but, i was totally shocked and a little bit sad to hear a woman say that phrase to her child b/c seriously? no child needs to hear that from her mom. (that's a megan tip on parenting for you b/c i have oh-so-much experience in that area).


after that madness, i snuck into a theater to watch little miss sunshine - a movie that made me laugh so hard i literally had tears running down my cheeks. a nice close to my home improvement weekend.

unpacking memories

this weekend is home improvement weekend, but it also includes unpacking my boxes of books to fill my new bookshelves. i love my books, i love to look through them and remind myself of those i've read, those i've yet to read and those i'll never read - they've been packed up for almost two years and so unpacking is literally unpacking memories, old friends and i've missed them. mixed in with my books in the boxes are my old journals; i'm starting to reread where i was at different places in my life and today came across this entry (dated 2003):

I have so much feeling and emotion inside me and too many people who know bits and pieces and love to tell me how they think I should feel and react, but the truth of the matter is that I'm the only one who's ever been inside me so I'm the only one who knows what I should do. So many changes, so much pain and so much happiness. I was only gone a week and it seems fall has set in and summer is officially over and it makes me so terribly sad because I know there may/will never be this summer again - this Seattle, this ______, this anything. Reckless love? Hurt? Anger? Fear? Will this happen again? Can it be alright? What do I need to do for me? Heal, but how - not when ______ is hurting - and I can't be there to support, to think, to believe. Will I be the one that got away? Will he? How do you support someone you love who has hurt you, but whom you also know to be hurting? I have no answers. I can't keep putting my life on hold....I want to be there, but need to nourish myself. "Remember happy moments and the rest will work itself out," XXX says. But there are so many - my life, my summer on and on - they over-shadow all else, yet I still feel pain. Memories fading, moments of sadness, what if I never feel this again? I have to let it go and do what comes naturally to me. What is that?

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no one said i wasn't a little bit dramatic, but this is me real, unplugged, passionate. i shouldn't feel this anguished, but this is the passion i should always feel.

this post brought to you by memories and the letter "M"; keep watching for more journalistic reflections to come.