ummm, i guess...

this just in! there are some very strange people out there, innernets. take this for example...

remember this guy? well i do. i remember him and all his creepy texts and i tell his little "story" whenever someone needs to hear some sort of dating nightmare a la moi.

friday night i get a random text "where u at?" from a number i don't recognize.

i respond "who is this?"

response: "this is {shortened version of creepy texter's name} u {my name}"

i spent a good 15 minutes trying to figure out who this person was when finally it dawned on me that creepy texter is now going by the shortened version of his name.

i did not respond.

guessing he was spreading a little holiday cheer. um, i guess it's normal to reach out to people that never responded to you in the first place....especially a year later.

and a happy holiday to you too, ct!

dreamy

innernets: i'm back. done with all of my work related travel for the year. yippee! (well aside from that one quick day trip to seattle next week, but who can really call that a work trip).

i've changed my routine a bit (to deal with what i affectionately call the chunky monkey) and for some reason i've been remembering all sorts of crazy dreams.

three snippets from last night:

1. i'm floating down the river (on a giant rock no less) and i call over some cattails to ask one of my reports to work on something. when i get to the bottom of the river i begin to push the rock back up the hill.
2. my evil stepmother (from my childhood) goes into a bakery with my half sister and my then, step sister while i wait outside. when they return everyone has a big dreamy cupcake but there's not one for me. when i ask why, she says she didn't have money to get me one so she didn't
3. the boy and are on some grand adventure and there's a sick puppy (or maybe a sick kid?). it finally goes to sleep and i go to snuggle up to him and he turns me away.

what does all this crazy subconscious thought madness mean. can't a girl just get a solid sleep?

nope, not stressed at all

wanna know how i know? b/c i just went to the bathroom to pee and looked down at my underwear only to realize they were on backwards. yep, i've been wearing them backwards since 6:30 this morning.

clearly my head is in a great place (not!).

side note, i'm going missing again. it's time for my crazy work travel schedule where i will be flitting around the US and the world until early december.

see you later alligator.

why i love working in cubeland

i just printed out some items to take to a meeting that i have in a few minutes. when i walked over to the printer to pick them up, the printer was not working b/c it was jammed.

fear not. one of my trusty co-workers had printed out instructions on how to fix the problem with the printer (from another printer i can only assume), then found some tape and taped them to the inoperable printer. my co-worker did not, however, fix said printer with said instructions.

really?! really. you took the time to print out instructions on how to fix and managed to find tape to print them to the printer but you didn't actually fix it? c'mon.

note: i chose not to fix the printer either. i will always fix the printer/ copier when i break it, but i am above this nonsense.

instead i'm telling the innernets.

must be skimping

i literally just looked at my elbows (no idea why i was looking at my elbows other than an excuse not to work for a few mins) and on both arms elephant elbows!

i've never had elephant elbows in my life! ever! and i'm from CO, the driest place on earth. i now i live in pdx where it rains 98% of the time - i can't even keep my hair straight, how can i have elephant elbows?!

have i been missing this spot with lotion for the last 47 months?! that's pretty much the only explanation.


side note: there is zero exaggeration in this post. and also zero sarcasm. but seriously?! elephant elbows?!

now i know...

• that if told the only way i can go to sit down in my seat AND have a beer, i will put a lid on my beer and drink it through a straw. i will also hate every minute of it and feel like a plastic cup ruined my $5+ beer.
• that if i accidentally run into my ex (who incidentally asked me to never speak to him again) and his new wife, i will pretend i did not see them both to protect my new beau from the awkwardness and as a mature way of dealing with the above never speaking.
• if an experience seems to be truly amazing the first time you experience it, it might be best to just let that ride and not try to recreate
• donning an apron and cooking dinner for the boy, plus putting together a little leftover set-up for his lunch the next day will not insult the feminist side of me, but instead make me feel sexy
• cleaning gutters on a saturday, in a raincoat and an oversized tee will bring lots of giggles and an unexpected closeness
• the words "you do more for me than you even know..." can give me butterflies in my stomach.

now i know.

the sweetest thing

last weekend i had the opportunity to do/ experience something that i have never ever witnessed.

the boy and i took an impromptu trip to SF - a last minute work trip extended into a weekend trip, some frequent flyer and hotel miles and what would have been an overly costly excursion suddenly became more than financially feasible.

the kicker was that the boy hasn't been on a plane in 30 years (and well, i travel multiple times per month). i'd been planting the plane seed (to someone who's afraid of heights) for quite sometime, but the opportunity arose much more quickly than i'd expected and when i broached the subject, i honestly thought he'd say "no".

much to my delight, he quickly realized that this was a great opportunity and push for him to get over his fear and he quickly committed to the weekend. prior to his departure on friday we had a long discussion about airport check-ins and regulations, what to expect, etc. but i never ever thought he'd have the reaction to traveling that he did.

when i picked him up at the airport on friday night he was the equivalent of a 5-year-old at christmas and could not stop talking about the various aspects of his trip, what he saw, how he experienced it, what he said, etc. it was literally one of the most joyous moments of my life.

b/c i travel all of the time, i forget what it's like for others - the excitement of going somewhere or the take-off of it all and it was so neat to share that sense of wonderment with someone.

it also helped that the weekend was fantastic and we spent the entire time plotting for our next sf adventure.

a doozy

most of my professional life, i've been vying for an opportunity to move to another city or another country. not too awful long ago, i put myself up for a position in london b/c i was dying for a change AND a professional opportunity. the opportunity would have been mine had the funding not completely fell by the wayside.

i just got offered an opportunity to literally take my pick of places to go and i have no idea what decision to make. i have some time to think on it for sure.

i've tried all sides of the coin in the past (b/c apparently coins no longer just have two sides) - moving regardless of the boy's needs, moving b/c of the boy's needs, not moving b/c of my needs, moving b/c of my needs and i don't have the foggiest idea on where to begin here. i don't even know if i should tell him. what i should tell him. how i should tell him.

i'm not even sure we're there....yet. i have some questions to ask on both sides and some thinking to do. but this is a position i don't think i want to be in b/c i don't have a crystal ball and i kind of need one right now.

sigh.

California Dreamin' (or something)

was in LA for a couple days this week. randomly greeted at the rental car place by a white mazda miata convertible. so CA...

spent most of my time driving it, thinking i was going to die in a fiery crash on a CA highway (especially when my face was at the same level of most SUV's mid rim). but yesterday on my way back to the airport, i put the top down, let the breeze flow through my hair and i drove that car!

i spent my driving kind of wishing i was still in my early 20s (and not in LA) where maybe someone would've noticed me, maybe the boys would've whistled or someone would've taken a second glance. i don't miss those times most of the time, but int that car, in that city (where everyone is a size minus zero and frankly, i'm not), i wished to be someone else.

it was fun, but i gladly turned that car in to return to my city, my trees, my fresh air, my boy, my house - all the things that define who i am today.

it was fun to look back, but mostly i'm just excited about moving forward.

one of my favorites

coming off the last great group camping trip of the summer only to realize that fall is really here. it was obvious in the woods this weekend, it got dark so early and i was chilled during the night; glad to have someone to snuggle up to when i got cold.

on our way home yesterday i commented again on the shorter and shorter days and the turning leaves all while we made plans for things like stew and football and movies and winter things. of course when it's in the 90s it doesn't feel so much fall and we'll likely still sneak out for a few more camping weekends before we have to switch to cozy inns at the beach.

mmmm, great winter brews and cozy blankets, snuggling - all good fall things.

this morning i took my first fall shower (the one where it's still dark when i look out the window) and it was cold in the bathroom even though i knew it would be a hot day. it might be my favorite season made extra special this year by people and things around me.

making fall plans is enough to get me through any work week.

things i've lost

this week.

• my favorite hair brush
• a chocolate bar
• my cell phone

for some reason i think i might be under a lot of stress, that's the only way i can explain this as i never lose things.

nope, still nothing

i'm finally back from vacation and whatnot. in town just this week and then out and about for the next two.

i still don't have anything to share here. if this were an anonymous blog and you were all readers who didn't know me or anything about me, i'd have plenty to say but b/c of our circumstances i'm blank.

i'm toying with the idea of retiring this thing all together. all things must come to an end.

i'll let you know what i decide.

until then, this is me, signing off.

see you in september

i've had a hard time getting it up for the blog lately as i'm just trying to get through life. i've been busy. doing things. taking many adventures (all captured on film by the fabulous boy). but i haven't been able to make time for this space lately. b/c really it's about making time. thinking of something to write. remembering a moment as a blog post. i could tell you stories. oh, i could tell you stories from the last few months. so many things have happened. i hurt myself quite badly last weekend - that's a story. an ex got married. his ex's appearance. my family's coming to visit. i've seen more of OR in the last 3 months than i'd seen in the entire 3 years i've lived here. i have wonderful new people in my life. an old friend came to visit. so many stories. but none experienced with the blog in mind. i'm hoarding them for me.

i'm taking a life vacation for the next two weeks. spending one whole week exploring the southern oregon coast with the boy. and then enjoying summer here in the city.

hoping that the time away from work and obligations will somehow reinvigorate me to write on this blog. i've loved it for so long, it's been such a great outlet for me.

hopefully the writing will return when i return. see you in september.

the saddest face

dear sad face,

um, dude. it was her birthday. any chance you could've mustered up a smile or something?

i mean we'd never met before and hopefully we'll never meet again. and i realize that maybe your features are part of the reason for your sorrowful look. but seriously, we were out celebrating! i spent most of the time wanting to punch you b/c you just looked so lame and sad.

now maybe you could blame it on the poor service we received at that restaurant. i mean, it WAS a total disaster. but i was just mostly mad, definitely not sad and neither was any of the other 20 friends sitting at the table.

sad man, i already decided that i don't like you. if i met you on a playground and i was still 10, i'd probably trip you.

so hoping to never see you again,

the link

ps - i think your wife is kind of whiney.

fat girl, little pants

i knew i'd put on a couple pounds since the boy and i started hanging around. what can i say, we both love beer. but, it's never a good sign when you slip into your favorite work pants only to discover that they're a little tight in the thighs. and you spend your entire crazy, stressful event hoping that the lining doesn't rip.

time to quit eating (cuz i'm not giving up beer...)

just what you wanted to hear as an update.

probably not my new bff

the first time i met her, she completely brushed me off but i'd hoped in that instance that it was due to circumstances not due to something that probably had nothing to do with me, but had already been decided by her.

that first night, she came over, greeted me, shook my hand and then promptly went and sat at another table with someone else she knew. we talked about it briefly in the days that followed, when he mentioned that it was odd and i mentioned that i was disappointed that i hadn't had a chance to talk to her. it was a brief conversation and i didn't think of it again until the time weeks later when we ran into her out and about.

the disdain for me was painfully obvious in the second interaction. we'd caught she and another friend completely off guard - driving by the place where they were and just happening to see them inside; we decided to stop. other girl was thrilled to see me, to meet me and gave me a hug when we walked in, but she mentioned that she thought we'd met? (as if she didn't remember) and wet fish shook my hand. as i have a habit of doing, i just sat down and started chatting as if there was nothing funny about the situation, but as the evening wore on her dislike for me became more apparent. at one point during the evening, she leaned over to new girl and they started whispering. i know it's vain to think it was about me, but somehow i just knew it was. as if she was testing me, seeing how i might respond, seeing what new girl thought of me.

new girl reached out to me, invited me to do things i couldn't and tried to override her, but in the end i was left with the feeling that she doesn't like me.

i can come up with a million reasons in my mind why she might not care for me (loyalty, jealousy, other -ys) but mostly i was just hurt that someone who'd never even had a conversation with me had already tried and judged me.

at the end of the night she limply hugged me goodbye, i guess that's a start, right?

#####

as you can tell, i've taken a new turn here. no longer a dating blog (b/c there's nothing to tell there), i'm enjoying chronicling interactions with people both in the past and present.

don't worry, i'll still regale you with tales of my foolishness in life and dating (when they become available), but right now i'm enjoying painting anonymous portraits of people i interact with.

happy long weekend, my innernets!

a little bit fuzzy

lately i've taken to going out on a saturday morning (or sometimes other mornings) and getting from point a to point b without putting in my contacts or wearing my glasses. (note: i'm always walking, i don't drive without my eyes in.)

my eyes aren't horrible and i, for a brief time, like the haziness or it all; like the world's a bit muted. i like that i can watch the world in big giant blobs of color, appreciating the bright green on the trees, but not the individual leaves; the person walking their dog, knowing they're wearing a red top but having no idea if it's a man or a woman, a fleece or a t-shirt.

once i arrive at my destination, everything becomes clear again (b/c i'm close) but for a few moments i enjoy feeling anonymous b/c nothing in my life is clear.

just thursday morning ramblings...

and then he called me the "g" word

i already knew i liked him. somehow in the course of three or four dates, i went from thinking he's was an interesting and likeable guy to knowing that i really, really liked him. i liked the way his eyes danced when he was telling a funny story or how he pursed his lips together when he was thinking. i liked the way he would gently touch my back when he came up behind me and how he'd caress my knee when we were driving places in his car. i also knew that many women (and sometimes even i) hate these gestures, the feeling that you are property, being owned, that he was branding you a bit with his touch. i'd done it before, shied away from any public physical contact, hated that others felt it was their right to touch me in public as if i were just that, a piece of property. with him it was different, i longed for that touch and when moments or hours went by without it, i craved it, wanted more of it, couldn't get enough of it.



i also liked that he made me laugh almost as often as he made me think; how we could have a heated discussion in one moment and then be laughing so hard that i had tears streaming down my face in the next. he had style and i'd always enjoyed dating men who had style (of any kind). i loved that we could be sitting amongst a crowd of people and i'd forget that there was anyone there besides us - we'd start chatting about something and the distinct objects and people around us would suddenly fade and become blurry.



i found it charming how he always seemed like he had to work up his courage to ask me to do anything in the future, even after we'd been dating awhile, as if he was concerned that i might say no. and when asked about it, he told me that women had had a problem with it in the past, saying he was trying to control the relationship. maybe i'd see it that way at some point in the future, but in that moment i loved that he took control always dreaming up some great adventure for us to take.



and it was on one of those great adventures that it happened, the "g" word. he'd called me his girlfriend, not just his girlfriend though his "smokin' hot girlfriend" which i suppose was completely fitting seeing as how we were huddled around a fire that later caught my shoe on fire. i hadn't been anyone's anything for a very long time and while the title (and all that may or may not go along with it) kind of scared me, i also thought it might fit. so i decided to try it on for size, wear it around for awhile, see where it took me. and secretly hoped (with all of my girly hopes) that it would take me somewhere good.

i'd have to wait to see where we'd land....


(to be continued)

not really my type

as she came in and sat down across from me, i could already tell that we weren't meant to be bffs, but as the evening wore on it became apparent that i was going to have to get over myself in order to make this work.

when we'd first arrived, she wasn't there yet - just two other couples (who, for the most part i adored) - laughter and overall fun was the name of the game with with this group and then, then they arrived.

i'm not even sure we were officially introduced and i actually only know her husband's name, but i know if i'm to be part of this group, this won't be the last time i see her.

she is exactly the type of girl i love to hate. she spent the night flipping her hair and adjusting her strapless bra. her pink fake nails and too much touching just turned me off and yet at the same time i couldn't help but continue to watch the interaction like it was a train wreck. i spent a good hunk of time being thankful that i can't wear a strapless bra as i feel like all i ever see women do is adjust those things, but mostly i was just annoyed by her. her insecurities, the way she kept having to touch her husband's hair (probably to remind him that she was still there). i later learned that they often fight and then leave situations (i'm guessing due to her over-protective/ insecure actions or maybe a form of forplay i just don't understand).

the thing is, if she's been relaxed and confident she probably would've been like the other two wives/ girlfriends, but she wasn't. and because of that i don't like her; she just rubs me the wrong way, definitely not my type.

if i'd like this to continue, i'll need to bite my tongue and try to find common ground. hmmm, maybe that's why i haven't been looking for new friends.

turned tables

no, not turn tables (as in dj as in records as in spinning), turned tables. when did the tables turn?



sometime in the past couple years, i noticed a strange shift in the endings to my relationships. maybe it was always this way and the most recent evidence brought it to light or maybe... maybe i have no idea.



what i do know is that i've had all of these weird break-ups/ non-break-ups lately (lately as in the past couple years). (yep, keeping it real here, keeping it a real dating blog). wherein these guys i'm dating or have been out on one date with or who i've never even dated at all (maybe just shared an email or a phone call or something) totally freak out on me when i tell them i'm just not that into them.



now, i've not read "he's just not that into you" although i hear there's a movie version coming out soon - i'll probably see that and let you know, but i do know that if i really think about it, i've never been caught off guard or thought that something was going on in a relationship that wasn't. meaning that even if i didn't want to see it at the time, there were always signs that he was over me or not into me and believe me, i'm good at giving those same signs. um, like when i maybe don't return your call/email/text for days on end when i had previously or when i'm suddenly cancelling plans or unavailable at previously available times? that's not b/c i suddenly decided to play a mean game of hard to get, it's b/c i've decided that i'm not that into you. and while i will always give you the full on, honest i'm just not that into you break-up/ non-break-up, please stop pretending that either a) you had no idea this was coming or b) that you were never into me either. (i realize some of you may argue that i'm not so good at the full-on, honest break-up as evidenced by my frequent use of email as god's gift to daters, but i do eventually end all things that need to be ended and i'm not usually too subtle about it either).



here's the thing: i'm a 30-something who has dated one or two people in my life so i'm pretty good at the dating game and picking up on the clues (read: good at the dating game as in i've been on a lot of dates. see all previous posts for evidence on how i'm maybe not so good at the actual dating stuff) so i guess i just don't get how any one person could be caught so off guard by the end to a relationship that never happened?

innnernets? discuss.

(Author's note: i've been sick and not left my home for two days while my head nearly exploded with goop. i'm sure when i orginally started this post, i had much more to say on the subject matter but then i went and saw SATC the movie and got all carrie on you plus i have this other post that i really want to write. and so, in conclusion, you get what you get, okay? don't say i never write here anymore, k? - end rant/ author's note)

random people interactions

since we don't talk about dating here anymore (dating? who's dating?), thought it would be fun to share a couple random people interactions i've had this week.

1. SCD (sketchy cab driver) - leaving for the airport sunday am before 5AM, got in a cab w/ SCD. this guy spent our entire cab ride detailing sketchy business transactions and drunken nights with the "loan girls" from his recent trip to idaho. i secretly wanted to shout "dude, it's 5AM, i'm still half asleep and do you really, REALLY want to share the details of your seemingly illegal business deals and prostitutes?" instead i shut my mouth and pretended to be interested.
2. HBB (head bag banger) - nearly lost my head on the airplane when HBB behind me got so anxious to get her bag in the not full overhead bin that she whacked me in the head (hard!) with the wheel on her carry-on. when i turned around and glared she seemed confused. my thought? why are we always pushing to get on a plane and sit in our seats (unless in 1st class) when we are just going to be crunched like tuna in a can for the next 5 hours. settle down and wait, we'll find something to do with your piece o' shite bag.
3. CC2 (Chevy Chase 2) - went to dinner with some colleagues the other night and was accosted by a chevy chase look alike. seriously, this guy was chevy chase from vacation and his kids could've passed for the red-necked brother's kids in that movie. highlights that came out of his mouth. "you work w/ {company i work for}? do you work with cords?" now any of you who know what i do, know that said company does not work in cords (it's a household name). and another: "what i think you ladies should do is head on back to your hotel and get yourself a male masseuse. i always tell my wife to get one." (this while hitting on the woman next to him, for the whole dinner - her husband was sitting two people down). believe me, CC2 was a real gem - we're still talking about him.

quote of the week (by she who will not be named): "first i saw the space shuttle and then i got a hummer!"

yep, heading back to the pdx for a month tomorrow. more scintillating tales later...

this just popped into my head... (where the magic happens)

so i thought i'd share it with the innernets.

scene: my house. PS (potential suitor comes over for the first time)

i'm giving PS a guided tour of my place and when i get to my bedroom i choose to say "this is the place where the magic happens." for some reason, this strikes me as both funny and appropriate at this moment in time.

cut to several hours later when PS and i are cozied up on the couch making out. PS turns to me and says "should we take this to the place where the magic happens?" which for some reason turns me so sour on the whole situation that i'm suddenly not that into him.

we broke up shortly thereafter. for some reason there wasn't much magic, where the magic happens.

don't know why that's in my head today...

it's friday, just go with it.

nothing to report here

nothing at all other than to inform you of my whereabouts. well that and the fact that i have some green goo coming out of my face and a really, really bad sinus headache (bodes well for this crazy travel schedule).

so, in case you were wondering where i am.

in seattle yesterday and today.
fly to nyc on sunday. come back next wednesday night, late.
leave for good fun with the dr. the following saturday morning, come back tuesday.
in town for 6 days, then gone for 9 or 10.

bottom line, i'm mia. i like it that way.

ps- don't try to burgle my house, there's someone there.

if my head doesn't explode, i'll tell you a story later.

radio silent

i don't mean to be radio silent on this here blog, but i currently have a wee bit of fear about, what you might call, being bit in the arse by this, here, blog.

you see, ever since we (and by we, i mean me and by me, i mean accidentally) decided that this blog would be a recap of my disasterous (is that even how you spell that word?) dating life, strange things have happened.

a suitor (mentioned in earlier posts) unexpectedly disappeared on me (again! another one) and suddenly i had the horror o' horrors that maybe he had somehow discovered this thing (although i seriously have no idea why or how he would've) and read my recaps about him and my other dates and that somehow explains his disappearance.

then, after a marathon phone call with one of my current interests, i had a dream that he had blogged about all of my faults in this same type of public forum and i found it and that was the end of that.

so, out of respect for my two current interests (one summer, one longer termish - did i really just say that?), i've been avoiding posting on this blog.

and, since apparently the only thing interesting that happens to me involves dating or not dating or waiting to be dating or potential dating the only other thing i could possibly report on would be the fact that i just somehow managed to dump my cup of coffee down my face and shirt this morning while taking a sip out of the cup. well that and the fact that an ancient suitor showed up via text over the weekend and my date non-date almost asked me to be his date to his brother's wedding until he realized i was going to be out of town so then awkwardly asked if he could be my intern instead. yep, so those things happened. maybe i am looking for a love slave - i should probably take his offer seriously.

oh, and apparently i love the parantheses today so that's also fun.

anyway, tune in next week when maybe i'll have something of merit to discuss. until then, enjoy the sun or rain or snow depending on your locale.

online dating - the numbers

i know you guys want to hear about fried chicken, but i had to share these little morsels instead...

i broke up with my online dating site awhile ago, things just weren't working out for me or us and i ultimately discovered that it had just become a crutch for me to find fault in every single person i went out with, but...it definitely served its purpose for me at that time.

so, in numbers:

1. total cost for 6 months of dates: approximately $150
2. total dates attended: 40-50 (I'd say that thing paid for itself as most of the dates were very nice on some level)
3. total number of men in PDX metro area who are potential matches for me: over 700. (note: there are appoximately 700 men in the pdx metro area that some computer thinks are a good match for me and yet i'm still single. something doesn't quite add up here).
4. total number of concerts attended on said dates: 2
5. total number of times date concert taker warranted an additional date after concert: 2
6. total number of chain restaurants attended on a date: 1
7. total number of times chain restaurant guy got a 2nd date: 0 (note: I'm not a chain restaurant kind of girl)
8. total new restaurants/ bars tried while on said dates: 6 or so
9. total number of times the nightlight (my favorite bar) was part of my date: 3 or 4
10. total number of first kisses: 5
11. total number of break-ups by me: 1 plus numerous passive agressive closing of matches or non-responses after 1-2 dates
12. total number of times i was yelled at on email by someone i went out with once: 1 (um, this was really pleasant, let me tell you. i did keep the email though so i can occassionally remind myself that apparently i suck when i tell someone i have no chemistry with them).
13. total number of times someone i'd been out with numerous times disappeared on me: 3
14. total number of times one of the disappears re-emerged 6 weeks later: 1 (we're actually good friends now except when ambiguous text messages come into play)
15. total number of times a guy confronted me about our status and we both agreed we wanted to continue seeing each other: 2
16. total number of times above men suddenly were no longer a part of my life: 2
17. total number of times seemingly positive interactions ended and left me with a confused face: 3
18. current number of love interests: 3 (sort of)
19. number of said love interests that i met on dating website: 2
20. last date: Saturday night
21. next date: ?

all in all, the whole process left me more befuddled than before i began and as far as i can tell online dating somehow gives people permission to be crappier communicators and utilize weird crutches than meeting people in the real world. however, it did give me an excuse to get dolled up for someone many, many nights and i have more stories to tell than i ever imagined.

i'd say it was an experiement that did not yield the predicted results, but was successful nonetheless. will i do it again? the jury's still out.

pinball head

my head is like a pinball machine this week with all these potential posts in my head. here are some ideas of posts that i may or may not ever get to actually writing:

1. emo jeans at the gym? 80s? or fashionable? all i know is that emo jeans are not a clown car
2. me as the commonality
3. things that make me smile (a follow-up to things that make me anxious)
4. spring, and why i love it
5. throwing fried chicken at concernts and other random acts of kindness
6. why i currently love portland (bet you never thought you'd hear me say that one)
7. weekend plans/ last weekend's update/ why you probably don't really ever want to date me
8. home improvement/ self improvement projects
9. underthings

let me know if any of these pique your interest, maybe i'll write a fan based post.

happy friday!

back in the saddle

no sillies, not THAT saddle.

i used to run all the time, sometimes i was training for a marathon, sometimes i wasn't. mostly i was just clearing my head, breathing deeply (and fearing for my life on the pdx streets). sometimes i run on trails, sometimes on tracks, but mostly on roads.

sometime last summer (around the time of the demise of me and the man w/ the kiddo), i just stopped running. i told myself it was because i wasn't working towards anything anymore and that i just couldn't get it up for the run. maybe that was the case or maybe i didn't want to work things out in my mind for awhile. who knows...

when i flipped the calendar to 2008, i knew i wanted to start running again - my blood start pounding for the pavement and my muscles ached for the post-run burn; mostly my mind yearned for the rhythmic 1-2 of my feet claiming each step of mileage, the steady pace, the constant motion, running to the beat of my ipod or maybe my own head.

but then the great surgery of 08 surprised me and laid me out for a month and maybe a little bit scared me about my body. even after i was cleared to exercise, i was afraid to do anything too physical - afraid to lift weights or run or do much of anything other than walk. suddenly, my body with it's knee injuries and scars (all visible to me) had let me down a bit by failing internally where i can't really see what's going on. the last thing i wanted was to end up in that hospital again, for any reason. and so i stayed away. from the gym. from the weights. from my brand new, get your running life together running shoes.

yesterday, my head was in a teeny bit of a funny place - a fit of uncharacteristic honesty and vulnerability towards several people in my life left me feeling the need to pound the pavement. i knew i needed to get back on the road. so with out giving myself too much time to think, i strapped on my new kicks and took off on a 3-mile run, working things out as i went.

today, i'm sore but my head and heart feel lighter. my feet, my body are humming in anticipation of the next outing. hope this feeling lasts....

the date, non-date (and other delightful tidbits)

i'm a blogging fiend this week! i don't think i have any readers left b/c i'm just as unreliable here as i am in real life, but in case you're still out there...

today's update is brought to you by the letters B and WTF. get your charts out, friends. this is an update on all the men in my life this week.

last night i went out with my friend (at least i think he's "my friend") the accountant soon to be known as WT (world traveler). accountant/ WT is doing amazing things with his life. in 2 weeks he'll be leaving his job to travel the world for 5 months! (my dream) he's going everywhere from africa to eastern AND western europe to russia to moab, utah. last night we had a date/non-date - it's unclear to me what WT's intentions are anytime that we hang out in non-group settings. last night over a couple beers and catch-up, i helped him plan his brother's bachelor party. ummm....?

on tuesday night, my adorable friend fast track (FT)/teef/etc cooked me dinner at his house. i have an interesting relationship with FT wherein, we pop into each other's lives every 6 weeks or so, hang out a few times and then promptly disappear. this has been going on for more than 7 months now, no idea what it means. tuesday night's encounter was strictly platonic even when we ended up down in his fab tv room watching beauty and the geek. me on the massage chair, FT curled up on his couch. a hug goodbye, a promise to call, another disappearance.

the hunter has unexpectedly disappeared from my life just when i decided i really wanted him in it. after a great date a couple weeks ago, the calling out of me on my stuff (we don't use foul language on this here site) and the hope of some fun times ahead, he's gone and disappeared on me. a planned date on sunday cancelled due to an unexpected friend crisis, a promise to call on monday (no call) and an unreturned text - it's hard to say if something bad has happened, he got spooked, he's disappeared or if he's giving me a dose of my own medicine. honestly, before i decided how i wanted him to be in my life, i could've cared less if he called me when promised or whenever. le sigh.

T's hanging around this week. we'll be having a musical encounter tomorrow. i'll be sure to report back on the giant! gold! watch! and will also be returning to my home (alone) immediately following the musical escapades.

the bright spot on this week is the fabulous emails from CO boy. the waiting for responses, the excitement when the "you've got mail" bit comes up, the smile that crosses my face when a random new tidbit is revealed. the emailing is easy...


and we're back to having a dating website here...knew you'd be thrilled. if i ever get around to settling down this will suddenly become a non-existent outlet.

things that make me anxious:

• not knowing if something has happened to you or if you just decided you didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
• not knowing if i should call to find out.
• sitting in the car for too long (you'll know i'm anxious when i start reading you every sign i pass).
• having over 200 emails in my inbox.
• knowing i need to send some 500 emails on any given day.
• feeling spread too thin.
• the space between too much alone time and not enough.
• when you change or cancel plans on me at the last minute.
• not remembering driving to work b/c i was so in my head.
• knowing i have to give you feedback that i don't know how you'll take
• changing my mind on big decisions
• feeling like you left me out of your plans b/c i wasn't your right audience for whatever reason
• the gigantic staples that i'm not strong enough to remove from the mechanism on the new table
• that i'm about out of my face cream and don't have time (when stores are open) to get more
• thinking about the possibility of always being alone
• thinking about the possibility of being connected to one person for the rest of my life
• thinking about the money still owed on my house, for my surgery, etc.
• thinking that i will never move out of this house even though it was supposed to be a short term investment
• thinking i may have to drive the beetle forever
• calling someone for the first time (especially if it's a boy who i might like)
• too much clutter in my house on my desk in my life
• committing to vacations/ time off

(please note: this is merely a list, not actually how i am feeling - well except one or two at any given moment).

me. speechless.

i don't actually have words right now to describe how wonderful my milestone b-day celebration was. even now, almost two days of coming off the fun/sugar/laughter high, i'm left without actual words. the notetaker, took some pretty detailed notes, so it might be worth hopping over to her blog for some highlights.

things i did come away with:

• my girls carry a place in my heart that cannot be filled by anything or anyone else - i'm so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing women
• laughter truly is the best medicine - 4 days of laughter puts you at overdose levels (but in a good way)
• sometimes an all-day buzz, movies and trivia is enough to chalk the day up as a success
• regardless of marital status, if you put a group of women in a small space for any period of time, the two Bs (boys and body image) will dominate the conversation
• groups of city girls maybe don't so much belong in country bars
• the ocean still soothes the soul

there are pictures and quotes and all sorts of things available, but i'll just carry this weekend in my heart.

wise words, from an apparently now wise woman...me.

weekend report

so i can apparently only manage posts that involve lists these days.

a few random reflections/thoughts/observations from the weekend:

• while out walking to meet some friends, i saw an attractive man carrying an ornate bird cage with no birds in it. for some reason, this snapshot completely caught my eye and i've been contemplating the picture ever since. what was that man doing with the bird cage? did he have a bunch of chirping friends that needed a new home? was his girlfriend or fiance into the bird cage decorating phenom? he didn't strike me as the type that would've chosen this on his own (and i'm clearly qualified to be making these types of judgements about people at busy intersections) so instead i'm left a little bit wishing i'd followed him so i could stop thinking about it.
• i had never really given much thought to the idea of wine paired with cupcakes, but after a cupcake related sugar-high, i've decided i might indulge in this activity again soon.
• crazy weather makes me tired. when it rains and snows and hails and sleets and suns all in the span of a few short hours, i mostly just feel tired b/c my body can't make up its mind about what its supposed to be doing.
• a man who will call you out on all your bs and still want to hang out with you can be incredibly attactive, especially when there are fresh caught salmon steaks involved.
• i spent some time yesterday w/ T. an interesting tidbit about T. he wears a very large watch with a gold dial so you can't miss it. this in and of itself is not that bizarre. however, i spent a good portion of the evening staring at the watch b/c it was so ginormous and it didn't work. i'm not sure what kind of show T was putting on, but if he ever wears that thing again i'll be asking.
• an overactive social life makes for a tired girl. looking forward to a few days off work.

random tidbits

just thought i utilize your friday time and regale you with some tidbits that are all things "the link".

um, maybe i mentioned, in ohsaymypreviouspost (ahem) that i was maybe taking a break from the dating. apparently i am a liar. a big fat liar, people. b/c um, i'm not. activities relating to men that have occurred this week:

• twice randomly tried to meet up with my new friend T (in my defense i also wanted to support a new local establishment and since T lives appox. 2 ft. from my door {not really} it made sense in mind). for one reason or another didn't actually see T either time so we will be dating on sunday.
• made plans with the hunter for saturday - my goal here (apparently) is to spend my bday weekend with people who don't actually know its my bday. b/c, um, that makes sense
• turned the corner while driving home from work the other day and made crazy eye contact and smiled at the guy going the other direction. help me gods, what am i supposed to do with that tidbit?
• was shamelessly hit on by my banker yesterday when trying to remedy an issue with my account. scary - this man has access to my financial information....again, what am i to do with that?
• met one hairy scary last night while out with girl doctor.

HMPFH!!

in other news, just b/c i haven't embarrassed myself in front of the innernets lately, i'll leave you with this:

yesterday i wore jeans to work (i do this about once a week when clients and meetings permit). i was rocking this current pair of favorite jeans (ever since my other favorite jeans became un-work wearable due to a freak accident that left me with a hole in the right knee) and trotted around in my cute sweater all day.

last night as i'm getting ready to meet girl doctor, i take a quick peek at my rear in the mirror (you know, just in case i ran into T) and notice that there is a gigantic tear down the back of my pants. um, a tear! that i, um, had no idea was there and wore around work all day! seriously, how did this happen? normally when things rip you hear it and i haven't gained a ton of weight so it's not like these jeans were straining against my ass or anything...so seriously, what?!

if you're my work colleague and you caught a glimpse of this yesterday 1) i'm sorry, 2) shame on you for not telling me and 3) thank goodness for black under garments - maybe you thought it was shadow?

anywho, that's me in a nutshell.

turns out i do live in the real world

i lived this last week as if i was in an episode of Sex and the City, maybe it's me channeling my inner SATC in excitement for the upcoming flick.

either way, it was fun while it lasted but no real person can sustain that sort of behavior....


or at least not me.

#####

working to behave like career-minded person...

it was good while it lasted...

alternately titled "i'm quitting."

i've been thinking about this blog a bit lately and how it's really just turned into a recap of my dating life, mostly b/c that shizz is just funny. wonder if the fact that i find all of it to be humorous has anything to do with the fact that i'm single?

i started the online dating thing as a way to meet people last fall. oh, i've met people alright - somewhere in the ballpark of 350-400. the experience has more than paid for itself in both good and bad dates, blog fodder, crushes, etc. i've known for awhile we need to "take a break" or call it "over". and am just waiting for the latest payment period to run out.

i just checked my site for the first time in a week or more and two things made me laugh out loud.

1) a match with someone named "swade"
2) a guy who wants to communicate with me who made this statement in his profile "I have always wanted to explore hot springs with the woman I love."


i just spent 5 mins laughing at those two things which, funny as they are to me, is not really fair to either of these two fellas. so as i said, it was good while it lasted. thank goodness it's almost over.

now....i'll just have to think of something else to fill these pages with.

so funny...

this literally made me laugh out loud!

my friend's dog is having expensive surgery and the dog's trying to raise money to pay for it. it's worth $5 just for how much i chuckled in my chair.

oh no

i was just totally that girl, the one i always complain about.

i just walked into the same ladies room i've been using all week - never been another person in there once since i've been there. it's a big one w/ eight or nine stalls but on day one i found the one i like.

just now i strolled in only to realize after i'd already started my business that someone was in the stall next to me. in that huge restroom, i just used the stall next to someone else! eek! sorry world.

pimped out...

not as in set up with the bling, i'm talking about me. being pimped out. by my pimp of a boss.

on her way down to our work trip this week, she met a man on her plane and decided he was perfect for me. i now hold, in my hand, copy of said prince's business card and a promise that i'll email to introduce myself.

hmmm, i'll keep you posted.

beginnings and endings...?

i've seen both in my brief return to portland this week.


beginnings: on my way to the airport in las vegas, i was propositioned by my cab driver who, as it turns out, has a son just a couple years younger than me. he was looking for a sugar mama (his words not mine) and when i told him that i was neither rich nor interested, he gave me some great tips on places to go in vegas if you want to get away from everything vegas.

endings: sitting in the pdx airport this morning, the guy next to me gets on the phone. i wasn't really listening to his conversation until he started in with something along the lines of "well then i guess i won't be calling you anymore - good luck with your life." in my mind, this guy just did the classic online dating follow-up and was told that his lady friend wasn't interested. one of the most interesting things about the dating are the endings. it's complicated to end something that never really began...

i'm traveling for a week, but will be sure to update if anything interesting happens.

something rad about my job...

sitting at a conference with about 1 million tech geeks (sorry if you're one of them) and listening to them rock out like they've never rocked out before on the xbox game, rock band.

it's like karaoke gone wild!

lovin it.

patsy cline kind of morning

completed the 3/3/6 in more like a 3/3/18

things that suck:

• having the one boy that you actually liked break up with you over email. "i love talking to you and you may be the one person in the world who actually understands me, but i don't think that's enough to build on."

things that suck more:

• responding to said boy's break-up mail in a real and honest way, having your computer crash and only sending part of the email so having to resend email with a note at the top explaining why there are two. awkward.

thank goodness for patsy.

a little bit less of me

me, last week. i spent a little bit of unexpected time in the ER and hospital resulting in emergency surgery. (in case you were wondering why i disappeared on you once again).

my excuse this time is legit, you can't make this stuff up.

it did however, interfere with the end of the 3/3/6 so things have been rescheduled for this week now that i'm sort of back in the game.

i'll keep you posted.

in the meantime, know i'm fine, i will live and i feel better every day.

2/2/3

otherwise known as 3/3/6 progress.



two downers down, one upper to go.



one of my very dear friends always reminds me that dating is a numbers game. and dating in numbers i am.



highlights (and lowlights) of the 2/2/3:

• date #1 (we'll call him hunter) is just that - a hunter. um...i live in the pacific nw and channel my inner hippie whenever possible. i'm not so in to the killing of animals with a gun. heck, i've never even shot a gun and some of you might remember that was a huge issue with the sheriff.


• the hunter doesn't just manly, twice a year hunt, he's a once a week kinda guy


• i may have suggested that he wear a kilt and re-enact braveheart on his next goose hunting expedition


• he may or may not have thought that i was being mean, but also funny


• the hunter does, however, have a current job that i find fascintating


• i can almost promise i will see him once more just for a private tour

and now for some tips for #2:

• if i'm hanging out with you on a sunday afternoon, it's probably best to look like you're enjoying a sunny pdx day not like you just came from your accounting job (which you don't even have)


• speaking of, please stop wearing pleated khakis - they're not flattering on anyone


• and also, could you maybe try a little harder to not look like you're 50? there's only a 6 year age difference between us, but i'm pretty sure the wait staff thought i was having lunch with my dad


• when i end the date by flippantly saying "good luck with your painting", don't open the door and ask if i want to hang out again. it forces me to be nice to your face only to have to tell you that i'm not interested later this week.

i probably won't update you on #3, unless it goes really bad b/c he....he's pretty good.

#####

in other news, little ms. notetaker gave me some special honor on her bloggie the other day. i was really excited, but actually had to call to ask what to do with it. she and i both think i'm supposed to post it here so here it is and to share the love, if she'll allow the linkage (and we're not talking me), i'd like to pass it to rosie. rosie, you let me know if you can handle this.

happy monday, here's to a week in numbers...

3/3/6

3 dates with 3 different men over the course of the next 6 days.

i haven't done this in awhile, but the dating crazy is back.

readers, you're in for a special treat next week.

oh and happy vd for those of you who believe in that stuff.

seriously?

i'm mostly posting here today/ this week to move some things off this landing page.

#####

now for the real post.

i went to the gym on monday night for the first time in almost a month. i didn't want to go (but knew i would feel better if i did). it was my only free night in the last two weeks and the only one on the horizon. i secretly wanted to use that one night to go home and curl up on my couch and hide from the world - the emails, the unknown, etc. instead, i went to the gym.

completely enjoyed myself. got some nervous energy out. maybe did some work on the little extra belly bulge i'd love to have disappear. and then...then i went back into the locker room to gather up my things and head home for dinner. except for the part where i came around the corner in the locker room and some woman, completely oblivious to my entry, was picking at her feet - the blisters, the dry parts, the....and for some reason i thought i was going to throw up.

i don't care what you do in your home, we all do things inside our personal spaces that are acceptable there, but not acceptable in public. i think picking your blisters and throwing your dead skin on the floor is one of them. um, yuck!

maybe if i'd been in a different frame of mind, a different stress level i would've ignored her - instead, i bit my tongue, glared at her, made a big scene of getting my stuff out of my locker and huffed out.

b/c seriously, i don't need to see a stanger's dead skin on the floor of my gym on a monday night - that's just nasty.

hey you...

do you think you could shut the f"*& up?

my mantra for the last few days. i think i'm getting old (i mean my big b-day is looming and all). but suddenly all this other "noise" is really grating on me.

i met a friend for lunch on friday. the waitress (at this place you call them waitresses still), victoria, was talking so freaking loud to some other diners that i missed half of my time with my friend. everytime we started a new conversation, victoria's nails-on-chalkboard voice would cut through and we'd end up laughing about how distracted we were.

things i learned:

• victoria texts - she received a text message from her daughter while we were there and read it out loud
• every other diner's lunch order - victoria calls them down to both the kitchen and the bar
• that sam wasn't in - victoria had a 5 minute conversation, with a caller, about how sam may usually be in but he hasn't been lately and especially not today
• the reasoning behind the new restaurant hours
• how excited victoria is for st. patrick's day - i realize this is a little bit off, but she was really concerned about whether or not they would be busy. my advice (and v's) make your reservations now

things i did not learn:

• anything about my friend's current life situation - they were constantly interuppted
• why victoria talks so loud
• anything about anyone else in the restaurant (except for my speculation about the weird guy in the corner), v doesn't let anyone else talk
• that v knows she's loud - she apologized as we left

on saturday, i went out to dinner with some other friends and spent the entire meal whining about how i couldn't hear them well enough to have a decent conversation. v wasn't there, but the amount of people in that small room had me cupping my ear and saying "huh?" for the entire night.

apparently, i am getting old and crochety and i don't like all this noise.

#####

on a side note, this week i only need water wings not a full-on flotation device. things are definitely looking up.

now, if you would just shut up....

hanging by a thread

i'm hanging by a thread this week, perpetually one strong word or two minutes from bursting in to tears. anxiety attacks that have been gone for almost 6 months are raging just below the surface.

a deep breath is all i can muster before turning back to my computer and addressing the giant to-do list. i'm sweating just writing this.

and my personal life? well the thread holding that together apparently already broke.

i'll be back when i have sunshine and roses to report.

a little bit sassy...

a friend just called and mentioned how sassy i am today. i'm feeling better. i finally purchased my new dining room furniture, i'm taking the afternoon off work, i pulled some of my eggs out the basket they were in, things are lookin up.

either that or the vitamin d supplement i'm taking is kicking in. either way, it's friday - enjoy it!

oops, it was an accident. i swear.

i tried to poison my house guests the other night. it was an accident, i promise.

you see, sometimes i do dumb stuff, make mistakes, you know drop or spill things. this is kind of like that.

(Side note: my space bar is malfunctioning so i keep having to go back and fix it. it's annoying.)

anyway, here's how it goes:

i have a smoke alarm that doesn't like the steam from the bathroom, much less things like a potato baking in the oven or god forbid, the searing of a flank steak so it never shocks me when it goes off. in fact, before my house guests arrived the other day i just plain took it down. you know, safety first and all...

so, a little background...the last few times i've baked something in my oven it has smelled a little bit funny, but i don't use my oven that often (i'm more of a stove top cooking girl) so i just really figured it was lack of use - didn't think a thing of it. oh, and when the smoke alarm kept going off? well that's just typical.

fast forward to girls night: i'm cooking all these apps and yummies in the oven, just in time for their arrival, the oven's smelling super funny but that's normal so i open the window, turn on the fan, light a candle and apologize when they arrive. no biggie. they eat all the food, drink all the wine, it's a good girls night.

it's only when i'm cleaning up that i realize my grave error. this summer i got some new bbq tools for my bbq. for a long time they just sat on my stovetop when i wasn't using them b/c they don't fit anywhere, but when fall came and i stopped bbqing as much i knew they had to find a home. so, i threw them in the drawer under the oven where things like my cast iron pans and whatnot live.

after the girls leave, i handwash some dishes and get ready to put away the baking sheets in the above mentioned "drawer". imagine my surprise when i open it up to find that all of the handles on my bbq utensils have melted and my even greater surprise when i get down to the bottom of the drawer where it clearly states "do not use for storage". oops and oops.

well at least we know why it smells funny. AND thankfully my guests didn't die from toxic fume inhalation.

lesson learned.

what i got...

nothing.

i'm feeling a bit blah today. my tummy hurts from eating food i'm not accustomed to with the girls last night. maybe i laughed too much over the weekend - don't know. is this a bad thing? no. but a reality nonetheless - don't get to laugh until my cheeks hurt very often; reminiscing about all the crazy things i've done.

those that i want to call, don't call often enough (which is really only in my head). those that i do not want to call, seem to appear at the wrong times. in fact, why do they continue to appear at all?

work makes me tired, class makes me tired, the magazines are piling up - oh wait?! the newspapers? they're piling up too. i want to read, to immerse myself in those things. i kind of want to cuddle up, no i do want to cuddle up, in the bed with the giant windows overlooking the city. maybe i can read my wall st. journal there.

it's foggy. it's cold. it's raining. it's snowing. can't i just stay under the covers? maybe make tomorrow today?

nope. work calls, life calls, "you're too focused", "you take work too seriously". vacation? who takes vacation? where would i go anyway?

the gym. i actually like that place. i like the way i feel when i leave, how my legs and arms get more defined the longer i lift weights. i hate that to go today i would've had to have gotten up at 5am. i didn't and i won't tomorrow either or the next day for that matter. because i won't go, i will feel gross, suddenly overly aware of my body, my faults. i'll start to wonder if i'm just a giant blob that no one wants. i'll consider reverting. to then, to that time. i won't.

instead, i'll climb all the way into my head. ponder choices, ponder money, ponder all things. then i'll take a deep breath (now) and continue to respond to the emails.

really, it's just another tuesday.

you guys are gonna love this one...

a little story for you.

i'm traveling today and actually staying in one of the crappiest hotels i've ever stayed in for work travel (ick!) good thing it's only one night. (note: this is not the story)

i think a lot of you have met my girls. maybe you haven't met them intimately, but you know of them, have seen them out and about (not literally) but you know, they're kind of hard to miss. the girls normally don't get me into any kind of trouble other than needing to order a size up in a shirt b/c it won't button without pulling or maybe a cat call or two, but we took things to a new level today.

i had a layover today in the dallas/ft. worth airport. my plane had arrived on time, but there was no gate available for us so we sat on the tarmac for about 40 minutes. by the time we arrived at our gate, i had only about 20 minutes before boarding for my next flight - i hadn't eaten anything since 6AM pdx time and it was now 3:30PM local time. i was starving so i dashed into one of those crappy magazine food places and grabbed a sandwich and some chips. i have no idea what possessed me to grab cruncy cheetos (b/c um, i haven't eaten those things in years, but i did). i'm sitting by my gate waiting the 4 mins before they start loading me and this middle aged southern man begins to tell me about the horrible travel day he's had. i'm shoveling cheetos into my mouth (britney style) and carrying on a conversation with him. all is going well until a cheeto slips out of my hand and lands in my cleavage just out of view (but i can see it when i look down). now, i don't want to make this man feel uncomfortable (by trying to fish it out while talking) and i don't know if he saw it happen, but it's kind of itching. so i'm trying to continue our conversation and secretly am racking my brain, mortified, trying to figure out how i'm going to get this thing out. finally, the man gets called for an upgrade (thank god) and i reach down and fish the little cheeto out, silently mortified that i've almost embarrassed a nice southern man, i just got a cheeto out of my cleavage, and good god, a cheeto in your chest?

thank goodness the whole encounter only lasted a few minutes, but i'm still dying...

wonder if under different circumstances someone would've thought it was sexy and fished it out?

thoughts rattlin' in my head

• i'm still trying to get my life back together after being gone off and on quite a lot of the last month.


• things i need to do include: unpack and put away two suitcases, clean my house (including the bathroom), make something with all the delicious food in my fridge, catch up with friends and family, respond to all of your emails sitting in my inbox, do my actual work, pet the cat, have some fun, maybe just drink wine.


• i'm leaving again on tuesday (so really why bother with the above?) i also have no idea why the formatting is all f'd up right here. sorry if this makes you want to poke your eyes out with dull pencils b/c it kind of does me.
• last night in my class i encountered the guy who i thought died after high school or at least college, the guy who's always the first to finish the exam and makes a big deal about it and you don't know if he aced it or totally screwed up. it's clear these people never go away, even when i hoped that they would. i'll update you on this guy next week, he's new and he's not going anywhere.
• i'm still a total klutz (i know this is not news to you.). current example: monday night date night. i'm excitedly showing my date a picture i'm about to share with you and somehow manage to spill an entire beer on the table (note: it was my first beer). my date laughs, says it's okay it's so you, grabs a rag from the bartender and cleans up my mess. he still kisses me goodnight - keeper?


• i'm still relishing in that kiss and the suite i stayed in last week. (to take a phrase from camel) le sigh.

PS - i don't know why this picture is so small, it hardly does it justice. my computer is kind of a piece right now and i have no patience to figure it out. hopefully, you can get the gist.

this couldn't wait

i just checked my email, my anonymous email, the one i use for the dating. the one i use so that the people don't know my last name so they don't hunt me down. if i like you, you have my personal email for my personal stuff - the one that has a first and last name and you probably don't even know about the other email. unless, of course, you've been upgraded. if you don't get the first and last name email from the get go it's a pretty sure sign that you're never going to be upgraded, but then again i guess you don't know that.

anyway, i just checked my email. the guy from the "cats as creatures" story just emailed me. started off with the phrase "hey, good looking". ended with suggesting a day in the snow sometime soon. apparently he and i were not on the same date.

can i ask, dear innernets, what on earth makes men feel compelled to write things like that after i've been out with you just one time?! you seem a bit to comfy in something that was over before it began.

this isn't the first time this has happened, i'm guessing it won't be the last.

if i liked you, i'd probably be flattered, but as it stands i'm mostly annoyed.

hmphf!!!

a little break

hi all and happy new year.

i've been taking a little break to celebrate the holidays and also to be very, very sick. i'm back now, but just for a moment - a work trip calls in just 2 short days.

i'll do my best to check in while i'm away, but if not i'll share all the holiday and new year cheer when i return.